the bad boy

Hurt myself

I unfolded the unread letters that Jess left me. There were three different ones.

Dear Harry

I bet you wondering why I would kill myself. It's because I couldn't stand being In a world with you. Because of all the hurt, and tears you caused. I just couldn't.

You gave up on me, so I gave up on me too. I wanted to be strong and get over you, but I couldn't, and even though I'm probably in hell, I want you to know that I still can't be strong and get over it. You will always be my true love and I will never forget you.

Love Jessie!

I unfolded the next one.

Dear Harry.

If I'm gone I want you to know that every moment I spent with you was real. You on the other hand were just using me as a fucking toy, I didn't find that out until you called me all that shit.

Um..Do you remember the last time we talked to each other. Not when I was in the hospital before that on the phone.

I was completely wasted and I told you I was still in love with you. Well I still am, just so you know. Well when I told you, you didn't say anything back. You hanged up, and I gave up. I gave up on trying for you and living in the same world as you. I guess I couldn't take the heat. And in ever one of these letters I tell you 'I love you'! That's because I do, and I wanted to tell you so many times when I was alive. But I'm not, well I guess I'm not if your reading this letter.

I'm sorry I did this to you. But you did a lot to me too. I should of just came to you and yelled at you, but instead I killed myself. I didn't suffer much, but I wrote this before you found out I was in the hospital. The nurse watched me as I wrote it. She cried as I told her what you did to me. Every little detail too. I didn't want to hear what you had to say about that phone call, so I killed myself.

Love Jess.

Dear Harry

This is my last letter. All my wishes are on here. You can call this my will. I left some stuff for you and the boys.

Harry for my funeral I want it to be real nice. I want dark red roses on top of my grave. I want you to sing a song, I hope you make it. It would make me cry and I would like that.

I want you to tell my mother and my family, even know it will kill her inside. She'll blame it on you at first, but I want you to tell her the truth.

Invite your family too. I was really close with your mother and Gemma.

I'm leaving Louis our photos we took together.

To Zayn I'm giving him an old elvis record he wanted.

To Niall is our experience.

To Liam, just tell him I love him and I will miss him.

And to you. All the things you've ever given me are in a box in my house. The key is under the mat. I want you to take all of the stuff in the box and this diary I want you to keep it. Even if it means you putting it in the attic of your moms place.

Oh and before I forget I want you to patch up everything that happen between you and your mother. It will help trust me.

I-I have never admitted this to anyone, but now I am. All of these things I'm about to tell you are a secret that only me and you will know. And right now well I'm writing this in front of the nurse I'm blushing and smiling like crazy. But I'm smiling because I'm talking to you.

Okay remember when I first meet you and you asked if I was a virgin. I said no because you already though I was innocent and it pissed me off, to know you were right. Well I was a virgin until that first night I slept with you.

It was my first time, and I remember you saying that I was really good. Which made me awkwardly blush!

Second secret!

It's not much of a secret now, but in high school since that day we had sex. I loved you, I knew you were the one.

Surprisingly no one expected it. Until we started dating. Which was unexpected. I never saw it coming.

Well those are my only big secrets, I haw no more. Sadly.

I want you to know I'll always be watching you, waiting for those unexpected moments or those embarrassing times. If you did truly love me I want you to move on. Not too soon though. Oh and I want you to stay away from Kenzie, unless your in love with her. I don't want her to be your sex doll, or just some slut to you. Even though she is one.

I love you Zayn, Niall, Louis, Liam

And I love you too Harry!

Goodbye forever,

Love Jessie!

I felt tears falling down my face. That was the last of her. All I can do now is read these over and over again. I through my empty vodka bottle on the ground. The glass went everywhere. I picked up a piece and sliced across my wrist. There was red gush across it. I winced in pain as I did it again.

I looked at the two lines above my wrist. I grabbed my coat and out it on. I through the glass onto my table as I exited my room. I grabbed my keys off he counter and walked to the door.

"Where are you going"? Liam asked.

I didn't answer I just exited the hotel room. I got into my car and drove to Jessie's house. That perfect girl is gone and it's my fault. I'm so stupid, I just had to mess with Kenzie.

I turned the corner and I parked in front of her house. I looked under the mat and picked up the key. I unlocked the door and ran upstairs. I saw the box on her bed. I saw a bunch of shit I gave her. One was my football jersey. I gave it to her when we were dating.

There was a picture of her, Gemma and me. She was in a blue dress, the same shade of my sister dress.

I was kissing he cheek. I saw the keys I gave her to my moms house when I lived there, and all the stupid stickers she put on it. She said it had to be more girly.

I picked up the box and brought it down stairs. I looked around for the record she was giving Zayn.

Well I was looking in the bookshelf I saw a book marked 'Me and my true loves memories'. I pulled it out and the cover was a picture of me and her, when we were dating.

I flipped open the book to the front page.

I saw a condom wrapper.

There was a caption under it.

"I lost my virginity to Mr. Styles, my true love".

She kept this? I didn't notice her take it that night, well I was drunk so yeah.

I put the book in the box and grabbed the record. I started to look for the photos her and Louis took. They were right on the table. It was strips of them in a photo booth. I grabbed them all and put them in my pocket. I walked back to the door and locked it as I picked up the box. I put the stuff In my trunk, and got into my car.

I can't explain this to her mother.