THREE DAYS LATER...
Wake-up, eat, cry, go back to sleep. Wake up eat, cry, go back to sleep. This has been my routine for the past three days. It's just been very tough for me. Every couple seconds I face a different change of mood. One second I'm sad, another anxious, then scared, but mostly hopeless. I guess it's the entire situation I'm in. I lost my best friend Raul. I lost Diablo. I lost Daniel. Now I'm even at risk to be hunted down by MS and god forbid I lose my baby too.
Melissa really is my rock. She's probably the reason I get up and eat. When I told her I was also pregnant she freaked jumping up and down in excitement. Now more than ever, she's looking after me. Teaching me what she knows about pregnancy. Although lately she's worried I possibly got sucked into depression. Which I don't think but she herself still got me an appointment with her same doctor today.
After taking a long shower I went to my room to change into an oversized long-sleeve purple Phoenix Suns shirt, black leggings, and black sandals. Not only do I have a doctor's appointment but I also have a 'meeting' with Diablo.
He took the hint that I don't want to talk to him so he knew that the only way I couldn't refuse is if it was gang-related. I know it's not gang shit he wants to talk about which I honestly don't mind. I'm so tired of him that I'm so wanting to talk shit to his face. There's so much I've been holding.
"Are you ready, Ronnie!?" I hear Melissa yell from the living room.
"Yeah I'm coming!"
-
After a long drive to the doctors office we are finally here. Melissa is currently being checked by the doctor then it's my turn after. When she first found out she was pregnant she thought she was three weeks but nope. She was way more than that. Today she turned five months.
During this particular appointment of hers I paid a lot more attention. I was listen to questions being asked, watching every movement the doctor made, and listening to expectations. I was now feelings nervous as hell. This all was so surreal.
Then it was my turn. I had a lot of damn paperwork to fill in along with baby's father name. Of course I wrote down Lorenzo Garcia as much as I hate to. They asked a bunch of questions asking me if I had any idea how many weeks I am which, I guessed three to four months, they determined I'm about four. Then asked me to take blood work that I have to do along with an ultrasound. Melissa also told them about my depression so there goes another twenty-minutes of questioning.
I was so eager to get to the part of the heartbeat and everything that would let me know if the baby is good.
"Alright," the old man Dr. Frazier said. "Let's find a heartbeat shall we? Lay back and lift up your shirt please."
I take a deep breath trying to calm my anxiety down then laid flat on my back lifting up my shirt. He got out a familiar device Melissa showed me in one of her teaching lessons, a fetal doppler. He applies a clear cold gel onto my lower stomach and began pressing down with the probe.
At first there were all these noises but then Dr Frazier finally stops on a spot and I heard it. My baby's heartbeat. For the first time in a long time I cried tears of excitement, of joy. I look over at Melissa and see her balling too.
"I'm really pregnant," I smile.
"Of course you are!" she smiles back. "We're pregnant!"
"It's hard to believe that a human being is growing inside of you," the doctor says removing the probe which ended the sound of the heartbeat. I wish to listen to it longer because listening to it gave me a hint of hope that things will turn out okay
