It's Saturday afternoon now; the meet was on Friday evening. When I had woken up this morning, after Levi took me to his place last night, his dad had come in to greet me after his mom came in and gave me her little spiel. His parents welcomed me and my sexuality with open arms, which was a nice change. It was nice to not have to worry about one of them walking in on Levi and I being all cuddly or kissy. It was nice to be able to take a deep breath in comparison to the suffocating worry of my mother finding out. Not that that would matter anymore... She already knows. And she hates me.
Just thinking about how she knows is just terrifying. Knowing that she knows and not knowing how she feels about it is terrible. It weighs way too heavily on my chest, making it hard to breathe. It was... suffocating. I sighed.
Levi looked down at me from where he sat on the black, leather couch with his arm around me and my hand holding the one that draped over my stomach. His eyes had to look out the corners and he had to strain his head a little to look at my face as my temple rested on his shoulder.
"Anything wrong?" He casually asked with a hint of concern.
"Well, I'm just still thinking about my mom. I can't help but wonder how she feels about us. Not to mention, my absence from the house for so long." I weakly replied while directing my attention back to the TV that we sat in front of.
"It's okay. I'm sure she needed some time to herself as well. She probably isn't that worried." He reassured as he lifted his other hand to run through my semi-messy hair.
"But that's what I'm worried about!" I sat up and leaned over, placing my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees, making me doubled over. "I'm worried that she's not worried because that means she doesn't want me. I'm worried that she's repulsed of me. I'm worried that if I go back home, I won't be able to see her love me again but every time I look at her, all I would be met with would be disgust." I let tears roll down my face as I sniffled. I took deep, shaky breaths as I tried to calm myself down. I was embarrassed of how I was acting, especially in front of Levi. I felt ashamed. Not only of my behavior but of the thought of regretting our relationship. I loved being with Levi, he made me so, unbelievably happy, but, I want to be accepted. I sighed again. Why do things have to be so complicated?
Levi rubbed my back as I cried and then, eventually, leaned forward and held me in his arms. I buried my face in his chest with my hands on his toned pecks while his arms encased me. I silently cried and my body shuddered at the sobs that were trying vigorously to escape but the only way out was my mouth and it was closed at the moment, denying exit or entrance to anything except oxygen.
Levi rubbed my arm and let out a long breath. "Hey... I'm sorry." He looked down at my head that still resided on his chest. I looked up and saw guilt in those beautiful silvery blue eyes of his and I couldn't help but feel like I was the cause because I most definitely was. I couldn't let something as heavy as guilt weigh on that beautiful person that brought me so much joy and I didn't want something as ugly as that to litter those stunning eyes.
"It's okay! No, it's fine!" I smile, sniffling and wiping my nose, deciding that that would be the last time I think about my situation or cry about it until I go home. That is, if I have a home after this. Fear sparked inside me but I quickly suppressed it, stomping it out before it could light a fire.
Levi looks at me with an 'are you serious?' look and I pulled away, retracting from his embrace and sitting up to look him straight in the eyes to say, "No, really, I'm fine, I'm just being ridiculous." I give him another seemingly convincing smile and he rolls his eyes, not completely persuaded, but all the same, let's it go.
"So, do you want to go to a party tonight? It might get your mind off things," he asks. I was thankful he changed the subject.
"Uh, yeah, sure. Is it any special event or just a high school party?"
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Let's Dive! (Ereri/ Riren)
FanfictionEren has always been into diving ever since him and his dad bonded over it when the Olympics were on one summer, a long time ago. He has been on his school's diving team ever since and, for a while, even trained for the Olympics. After his beloved f...
