Under His command

Part 7

"Crawl in." His words have a finality about them.

There is a hesitation in my movement. Beside me he waits patiently. With a deep breath, I mentally propel myself forward and crawl into the darken box. My knees sink into the soft padding. The noise from the outside world decreases to a mere whisper. In here there is only total and complete isolation. No outside sounds filter in except the ones he may or may not pipe in from the speakers I know lurk in the corners.

The sophistication of the box all at once astounded me. Inside my world will be completely controlled from the levels of heat and cooling, to a night vision video of my movements. It will measure my breath rate, my heart rate and even show my activity level. In the right corner, just inside the door's edge is a panic button. To push it means everything ends and this time it's not just another scene. The gravity of my position settles around me and I curl up into the far end of the box.

Behind me the last streams of light fade to thick darkness. I can no longer see the hand in front of my face. There have been times this box gave me solace. A place to step away from the violating noise of the world and just rest for a while. Today it is an isolation cell.

My mind is spinning on weeks and months of thoughts, feelings and self focus when the door clicks closed. It is like a computer running to many programs at once with no way to shut them all down. In here I am locked away with all of those thoughts.

Around me the silence is deafening. My breath comes in rapid waves on the edge of hyperventilating and the quick beat of my heart pounds in my ears. A normal place of solace is a cage of regret. Internally, my mind feeds on itself. Fears flourish into worst-case scenarios. Worries expand until they consume other thoughts. Grief I've never faced bubbles up from the darkness of my own soul. I am alone with them all. There's no focus to count the breaths. None to rationally slow down my own mind as it races headlong into its own destruction.

The lilt of soft music hints around the edges of the flood of thoughts. They slow just long enough for me to grab on to the melodic tune like a lifeline in a raging sea. The breath in my chest slows in time with the quiet ethereal beats which fill the darkness.

"You are never alone." His voice mixes softly with music. "Take a deep breath, pet... Exhale and let your body relax... Find your own calm and center... Your body relaxes with each breath... You may choose to follow my lead now or you may find you choose to follow it later... It is a deep breath in... and out... In... and out... With each breath you will relax a little more...The more tense you fight at the beginning, the deeper your submission will be by the end."

My mind grips his words in between the rush of introspective torture. His words are soft and easy to follow. Without effort, my body relaxes and the thoughts dissipate as I focus on him.

"Imagine a white light engulfing you in the darkness... It floats all around you... surrounding your body... each place it touches... the pleasant tingling sensation it leaves behind helps each muscle relax... as your body relaxes and melts, so does your mind... there are no obligations right now... your only need is to follow my words... you may notice your breath slows naturally... your limbs grow heavy... float in this relaxed space... drifting down... sink into my words."

His words calm my mind until on they exist in my dark world. A calm penetrates me in a way I long since believed impossible to achieve. I push my body down onto the thick padding, unfurling from the tight ball.

"Would you prefer to relax with your eyes open or closed?... Feel more relaxed and calm... I know you cannot allow your eyes to close while you hear my voice in the darkness... I expect you cannot close your eyes now. You can't listen to my voice with your eyes open and you can't allow your mind to learn something useful..."

My mind grapples with his words. Fighting to both listen to him and keep my eyes fully open to defy him.

"Maybe you want to allow your mind to just drift or maybe you will wait awhile... Take a slightly deeper breath, your body relaxes on the exhale... the tingling spreads through you like the touch of my fingers caressing your skin... And when you think about all the things in your mind... the problems... the worries... the crisis... just try to let go of them... your life has been full of successes, in fact it has been one success after another.... Oh, I know there have been setbacks.... but you have been successful at so many things..."

I tremble slightly at his words. The jumble of thoughts disentangle themselves one by one. My body relaxes like it is floating on a cloud.

"Let everything happen... Surrender... not needing to intervene... just observe your thoughts and feeling... let your body respond to the words... you can feel the tingling across your whole body... and you Drop... relax... you eyelids may close... when your eyelids close... your thoughts evaporate... even the last stubborn thoughts enjoy the peace..."

My eyelids close and the last vestige of tension seems from my muscles. The war in my mind halts. Only his guiding words remain.

"The calmer you become... the more you observe the emptiness of your mind... you notice you are no longer thinking... Let yourself feel it... Forget to even observe the emptiness as you follow my words... drifting down into the quietness..."