Under His command

Part 10

Light assaults my eyes. Heavy limbs pull me back toward the quiet slumber in a hazy fog. The increase of incessant beeps fills the small box. My eyelids lift and a scowl pushes across my face.

"Out of the box, now." His voice is demanding and hard.

I work to understand my surroundings. The padded box comes into view but my fuzzy brain refuses to understand.

"You only make it harder on yourself pet." I shake my head at his words, uncoiling my body. The hardness doesn't match the dream of his voice wrapping around me, banishing my fears.

A whoosh of air is my only confused warning before pain explodes in a thin fiery line across the sole of my feet. I recoil from it, but his hands wrap around my ankles and pull my naked form from the safety of the box. In mere seconds, I lay face down. Rope winds around my wrists and ankles until I am hog-tied. The toe of his shoe appears in front of my face. The sudden change of direction has me reeling. Spit propels from my lips and mars the mirror finish.

"I was wondering which side I would see." He growls. His toe smearing the wet spittle across my cheek. "There is still more to reset. You built up far too much."

Pain pulls on my shoulders, my arms stretch in uncomfortable positions. His foot lifts and steps on the back of my neck. It should generate rage at the indignity but a moan escapes me.

"You reveal your true nature, pet. In one simple sound you expose yourself and yet you can't let go. You needed to know that I noticed and now you need to know there is a consequence."

I twist in the ropes. Fight against their compressing embrace.

"In quick order you've experience pain alone. In the box, you felt your own isolation. Left with the deluge of your mind and the acceptance of my distant embrace. Even when you believed I left you, I was right there. Yet, you still fight yourself." The pressure on my neck increases and I still.

"Please..." The word is a struggle to form.

"What do you need?"

The question sounds simple but I do not know the answer. It feels like everything is built up right behind a dam inside and nothing I try can release it. The words don't come. I want to tell him but how can I express an answer I do not know? Every push against him causes more sorrow in an never ending self-destructive cycle.

Above me he is quiet. Without seeing his face I know he is watching me. So many times it feels like he can read my thoughts but everything feels out of synch. Emotional release is what I crave but do not know how to express.

His hands are on the rope. Limbs and lines disentangle until they both fall prostrate in front of him. I don't dare lift my head. Inside me something is shifting.

"Crawl to the bench."

I pull my body from the floor and crawl to his feet.

"Remorse. Sorrow. Pain. Penance. Punishment." Each word lands heavy in the room. "These things are both a privilege and a burden. Today I want to lift the burden from you. Give you a way to express all of these things until it releases the emotions you've long pent up in your beautiful mind. You give me the privilege of Mastering you. With it comes the burden if I fail you. I do not want your surrender because I demand it. Such is easy to coerce and manipulate into being. No, I want your surrender because you want to follow me. To know you lay yourself in my hands so we both can give and receive what we need, is the surrender I seek from you. When I fail, I harm you. I carry the burden until you release me from it. You carry your own burden until I know you are ready to face its release."

His words lay heavy on me. For so long I fought his control because I thought it a weakness and here he talks as if it were an indisputable strength. How could it be that he benefits from these actions as much as I do? Is it not only one sided where one gives and one receives?

He squats down and lifts my chin until I am staring into his eyes.

"There are times you need me to be harsh, just as there are time I need you to be stoic. There are times you need me to be soft, just as there are time I need you to bend at my words. Now is the time for me to give you a release. Demand for you to open, so you can rail against yourself and the words of society while they disintegrate like dust between us. In this I will stop when I believe it is done and not before. We face our demons together, for we are stronger as one."

My chin drops. His soft lips kiss my forehead. For a moment I revel in the tenderness. When he stands, the tenderness evaporates.