Let Me Inside Your Heart || Jamilton

Anxiety

It was eleven AM two days later when Alexander got the text. It was a simple text, but one that sent chills down his spine.
Preston: you free? i was thinking we could get smth simple to eat and watch a movie back at my place
No.
Everything in Alex was telling him to decline, to say he was busy. But without work, he was very bored. He had nothing to do. And he was being ridiculous - such a kind man shouldn't bring this much fear. In fact, Alex told himself, this was flattering. Such a handsome man inviting him out for lunch. Who was he to pass up such an offer?
So much conflict went on in his head. His heart rate picked up at the stress. He felt prickles all along his body, pins and needles tipped with the razor edge of anxiety.
He took a deep breath in. He was being childish. He simply feared that something good was coming his way for once.
Positive things - they seem impossible to fear. They seem like something you look forward to. But there is a natural fear of the unknown, one that's deep within and binds us to caution. So even if something is positive, if it's unknown, it can still be terrifying.
Sure, Alexander feared that his life may be taking a strange new turn.
But there was an underlying, almost primal fear - one that he couldn't quite place. He chased down the words in his mind, but ended up going in circles and eventually giving up.
His fingers moved slowly over the screen.
Yea, where should I meet you?
He hesitated for quite a while before hitting send. He closed his eyes, but it didn't take long before his phone buzzed.
Preston: I'll pick you up, address?
With an uneasy feeling making his stomach churn, he gave him his address.
Preston: great, omw
Alex swallowed his discomfort.
Can't wait to see you x
With that, he put his phone down.
Alexander texted Thomas, who would probably scold him if he left without saying anything. It did annoy Alex, seeing as he wasn't a child, but he supposed it was okay for someone to worry about him every once in a while. So he sent him a simple text that read,
Out with a friend, may still be gone when you get back
He was at work, something Alex envied.

Alexander went and got dressed, putting on nice clothes and fixing his hair. He looked himself up and down in the mirror, nervous. It wasn't him worrying about his appearance, either - it was the fear of what was to come. His heart raced as he heard the car pull up in his - no, Thomas's - driveway. He stood up so quickly that he became slightly lightheaded.
A knot of anxiety was tightening in his throat, impairing his speech. He struggled to swallow down his fear - literally and figuratively.
He stepped outside.
He gave a weak smile as he approached the car. He opened the passenger door and stepped in, drawing strength from the serenity of his surroundings before enclosing himself in the vehicle, separating himself from the cold breeze and the pale sky. He was alone with the man that, for reasons he didn't yet know, struck fear into him.

"Al. You look like you've seen a ghost." Oh God, he hated that nickname. Al. But he wondered what he meant. "What?" "You're so pale. And you're sweating. Is everything okay?" Alex nodded. "Yeah. I think I'm just - just nervous." Preston cast him a kind smile. "It's alright, Alexander. Don't be nervous. I mean, we've slept together. There aren't many boundaries," he said with a laugh. At the mention of that, Alex cringed. Yeah, this was indeed someone he'd had sex with while drunk. Shit.

"I think we should get something American, don't you?" Preston asked, looking over at Alex. This reminded him of Thomas - he chuckled inwardly as he thought of the way he loved greasy American food. Above all, he was quite fond of macaroni and cheese. There were always boxes of the noodles around the house, and cups of the instant macaroni. Alex wasn't a huge fan of it himself, but when it was served as a main course half of the time, he was polite enough to eat it, though he had complained a few times.

His thoughts were interrupted as his shoulder was grabbed - quite roughly - and he was shaken. He jumped and looked over at the annoyed man who had shaken him. "Hmm?" Alex looked at him with wide eyes. His expression changed from annoyed to stern. "Finally. It's not polite to ignore someone, you know." Huh? "S-sorry, I was-" "Whatever. So? Does that sound good to you?" He had apparently suggested a restaurant, and Alexander was not about to say he hadn't heard. So he just smiled uneasily and nodded. Something about this didn't sit quite right with him.

______________________________________

Thomas's POV

Thomas felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He was on lunch break, having just made a small bowl of instant macaroni. He sighed at such a rude interruption and picked up his phone, instantly forgiving the sender of the message. It was Alex - he had grown quite fond of the stubborn man, no matter how much he hated to admit it. The message said,
Hamiltard: Out with a friend, may still be gone when you get back
Thomas bit his lip nervously. That wasn't like Alex. He didn't have many friends. And he certainly didn't go out much. Who was he with? Perhaps him and Hercules were making up...?
He had been acting strange ever since the fight. Distant. He didn't have his usual fire, his usual quickness to jump into a debate. Just to try and snap him out of it, Thomas made a very obnoxious (yet true, in his mind) comment about Republicans. He saw a slight spark in his eyes, but it quickly died and the argument only lasted ten minutes before Alexander just spat a few choice words, half-heartedly insulted Democrats, and disappeared into his room.
Something was up.
He sighed and replied to the text.
Okay, Alex. be careful
No response.
Fine, whatever.
Not like he cared.

A/N: pls dont hate me for making Ham a Republican it's not anything against Democrats and it has nothing to do with my personal political beliefs it's just (in my opinion) the Republican party seems to suit Ham more kthxbye