Let Me Inside Your Heart || Jamilton

Denial

Thomas couldn't sleep.

He was so worried about Alexander. There was something going on. Something had to be wrong. Who was he staying the night with? Was he drunk again? He certainly didn't sound it. He would never admit his worry to Alex, but he needed to find an excuse to check up at him.

Of course, he couldn't at the moment, because it was 4 AM. Alex was probably asleep, unless he was having another one night stand, which Thomas doubted. No, he had left at around noon, and Alex definitely wasn't that much of an alcoholic. So why? What was going on? He tossed and turned all night, worried sick.

The thing is, he didn't know why he was so worried. For so long, all he saw Alex as was an enemy. But that all changed when he moved in. Things had been tense at first, but Thomas wouldn't be so low as to go at him while he was emotionally wrecked. So he had made an attempt at being nice, and it seemed to have paid off. But now, he felt protective over the man. And he was actually worrying about him. He had gotten to know him, and God, he hated his political views, but found that... he didn't mind the other things. He always tried to find reasons to disagree with him, but sometimes couldn't. Sometimes he got lost in conversation and forgot that Alex was meant to be his rival. Someone he opposed.

He listed the things he disliked about Alex.
His temper, his political views, the annoying way Alex would always wake Thomas up if he woke before him. He would knock continuously on his bedroom door until Thomas woke, grumbling under his breath. But the house was always clean when he woke, as if Alex got up in the middle of the night just to clean. He knew that Alexander wasn't one to sleep much.
That was one of the many things he knew about him, actually. In the short time Alex had lived with him, he and Thomas had had deep conversations. Thomas always felt awkward talking about his childhood because compared to Alexander, he'd had it damn good.

By the time it was light outside, Thomas was still awake. He wondered if Alex was up. He decided to give him a call - it was usually around now that he woke him, anyway. It rang a few times before he picked up, and Alex felt relief rush through him.

"Hello?" came the voice on the other end, raspy with sleep. But something was wrong - that wasn't Alex. "Who is this?" Thomas asked, more aggressively than he meant to. "No, that's what I should be asking you. Calling my boyfriend as early as-" "What?!" He cut him off, startled. Alexander had never once mentioned being in a relationship. "Jealous?" Purred the voice on the other end. "No, I just - it surprised me." "Sure, sure. Just leave him alone, alright?" "Oh, yeah, it's not like he lives with me or anything. Now where is Alex?" The voice on the other end grew angry. "Maybe not for long. And he's asleep. Let him sleep." "Tell him he needs to come home today." "And why should I do that?" "Because I need him here." That wasn't exactly the best excuse, but it was the only one he could think of in his tired state. "Hm. Bye." "Wait-"
But he had already hung up.
What the hell was that?
An unfamiliar feeling hit Thomas, a sharp pang in his chest.
Jealousy?
No. That couldn't possibly be it. He just needed to sleep, and he would feel better.
He didn't want Alexander.
Of course not.

______________________________________

Thomas awoke to the sound of a knock on his bedroom door. He looked over at the digital clock on his nightstand - the glowing red letters told him that it was 2 PM. "Thomas?" He heard Alex's soft voice. He was up immediately, rushing to the door. He was so relieved when he saw his face that he wanted to hug him - he didn't, of course.

"Hey," he murmured weakly. "I was just making sure you were here. Sorry if I woke you." Alex wouldn't look directly at him. Something was definitely wrong. Why wasn't he hearing about how late he had slept in? "No, it's okay. I needed to wake up."
"Your boyfriend-"
Alex raised a brow, looking confused. "What?"
"The guy who answered my call this morning."
"Oh... Preston... what did he tell you?"
"Well, for starters, that you two are a thing. I didn't know you were seeing anyone."
Alexander already looked exhausted, but this just seemed to bring him down more. "Y-yeah, I guess so," he muttered.
"Why aren't you looking at me? Are you okay?"
Thomas reached out to put a hand on his shoulder but he flinched away. "I'm fine," he snapped. He walked into his room, slamming the door.
Okay, what the hell?