Let Me Inside Your Heart || Jamilton

Confusion

A yellow sky...

______________________________________

"Alexander." Confusion. That was the first thing to hit the scholar as he awoke. He felt unusually warm - not the type of warmth granted when one laid under a duvet, but the wamth felt when two bodies were pressed against each other. It had been around two months since Alexander had felt this. Immediately, his tired mind went to the first thing he could think of. "John," he murmured, pressing his face into the neck of the man beside him. He heard a soft sigh, and Alex let out a small whimper. "Jus' a lil longer, mkay?" He murmured, still tired. And with that, he fell back asleep.

Thomas's POV

It didn't take long for Thomas to begin to enjoy the feeling of another person on him. He was a very charismatic man, sure, but he'd never been in a serious relationship so he had never been able to experience the moments that mattered - like simply enjoying the company of another person. If he was honest, his relationships were usually about the sexual aspects. But he had never been compelled to want anything more.

With Alexander pressed against him, he knew that he had missed out on a lot. Of course, he didn't want Alexander - no, of course not - he was just lonely, he supposed, and that's why he was enjoying this so much. He could gently move him at any moment, but he didn't. He thought that perhaps Alex needed the sleep after the stress he had been going through lately. He lost a close friend - possibly more than a friend - to the grasp of death. Then he lost another friend because he didn't know how to keep his thoughts to himself. And to top that all off, he lost his house. He could tell he hadn't been doing a good job of taking care of himself, but that was just Alexander. He never was in the best condition. Always looking sleep-deprived and starved. He was capable of taking care of himself, he just... didn't.

Thomas very slowly reached his hand down to feel Alexander's hair. It was an absolute mess. It was tangled and generally unclean. He took the time to use his fingers to gently undo every tangle, down to the tiny knots that took the longest. After that he moved his hand back and tried to focus on the TV - something he found impossible. So he decided maybe he would go get dinner. He would need to rouse the young male beside him so he could go to bed. He looked down at the sleeping figure and almost didn't want to wake him. Almost. But he did.
"Alexander."
The man stirred, and Thomas was about to say more. Before he could even open his mouth, the younger man nuzzled his face into his neck. He murmured a name that made Thomas's heart drop. "John..." the half-conscious Alex murmured. Thomas sighed softly, unsure of what to do now. "Jus' a lil longer, mkay?" he said, his words almost unintelligible. It didn't take much longer and his breathing steadied once again. He had fallen back asleep.

Thomas gently pushed him off, before standing up and lifting him into his arms. He wasn't that heavy. The small man sighed softly, seeming to be content in this new position. He carried him to his room, carefully pulling back the duvet and laying him down. He placed the duvet over him and Alex let out a soft whine of protest. He clearly didn't want to be alone. Thomas shook his head and exited the room, making sure to close the door very quietly. It occurred to him that he probably shouldn't come back into the room, seeing as last time he did that he found a nude Alexander. Chuckling at the memory, he made his way out.

Alexander's POV

He was alone.

That was the first thing Alex noticed when he awoke. He was slightly confused at first, and then reality hit him. Hard. It had all been a dream. He felt like his entire body was being crushed at this realization. There was no John. They hadn't been cuddling. John was still dead. Alexander was still living with Thomas Jefferson. He turned to bury his face into his pillow before he could let out a sob. He had already cried once. He couldn't do it again. He lay there motionless for a few minutes. He found it hard to breathe with his face pressed into the pillow like that, and suddenly a disturbing thought crept up on him before he could stop it.
Let it suffocate me.
He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a thought like that. It made him slightly uncomfortable. As he sat up, he remembered that this was not the place he had fallen asleep. No, he had been on the couch with Thomas. So how...? Maybe he'd sleepwalked? He stood up and was relieved that he was still fully clothed. He walked out of his room. But the house felt empty. There were no signs of life. This was one reason Alexander always said he never wanted a large house such as this one - he hated feeling alone and vulnerable. Smaller houses made him feel comfortable and safe. But something about the vast emptiness... It unsettled him.

"Thomas?" His voice came out as a tiny squeak. Then he realised why he had been so uncomfortable with the situation. He heard rain pattering softly on the roof. He had only just noticed it, and it gave him chills. He hated storms. Absolutely hated them. When they happened, he usually hid in his office. But he wasn't home. He hated it. He was in an unfamiliar place and he was alone, and it was raining. This was not a good combination. But it was just rain... right? Something told him things were about to get a lot worse. Suddenly, thunder roared and Alex jumped, stumbling forward and going sprawling to the ground. His breathing quickened and he was shaking. The rain was now pounding down. Looking out the window, he could see that the sky was a dark grey. He found that his throat would not function - he couldn't swallow. His mouth had gone dry anyway.

He was terrified.