Let Me Inside Your Heart || Jamilton

The Decision

The next day, Alex came home from the hospital.
Thomas drove him back to the house, remaining quiet most of the way. Alexander spent most of the time staring ahead at the road ahead. He jumped when he felt a hand reach over and grasp his. He cast a curious glance toward Thomas, but he wasn't looking at the small scholar. His eyes were trained on the road, as Alex's had been a moment before. He said nothing as he held onto Alex's hand. An unfamiliar feeling stirred inside him, one of warmth. He felt safe. It was stupid, yes, but he didn't care. It was nice to feel... good, once in a while.

They pulled into the driveway, and still sat in silence. Just as Thomas was about to open the door to exit the car, Alex said his name, ever so softly. He almost hoped Thomas wouldn't hear it - he was nervous and he wasn't sure why.
"Thomas...?"
The tall man turned toward him, his expression unreadable.
"Yes?"
"I hate you."
Thomas opened his mouth to speak, looking like he was ready to defend himself. But Alex reached out and grabbed his shirt, pulling him toward him.
"What're you-"
"Shut up."
"What?"
He leaned up, his heart beating so loudly that he swore Thomas could probably hear it. He pressed his lips against Thomas's, closing his eyes and reaching his other hand up to rest it on his shoulder.
At first, he thought Thomas hadn't registered what he had just done. He just sat there for what felt like minutes, and Alexander feared the worst.
He was so afraid that he was about to be shoved away, about to be rejected.
But then he felt an arm wrap around him, pulling him close. It was a bit of a difficult position, with an object in between the two. But they made it work.
Alex let out a tiny noise, and he wasn't sure whether it was out of surprise or excitement. There was a fierceness behind the kiss, a mutual hunger.
He felt the warmth of Thomas's tongue press against his teeth, and was about to allow him access when suddenly Thomas pulled away unexpectedly.
Without meaning to, Alexander whined like a child.
"Alexander, why are you crying? And what's with the death grip?"
He felt the tears streaming down his cheeks, and noticed that he was gripping Thomas's shirt so hard that his hand ached.
"Have I done something wrong?"
Thomas looked genuinely concerned, his eyes wide and his head tilted slightly.
"N-no, I'm okay. I'm just - I overwhelmed myself, I guess," he muttered. He then got out of the car, Thomas coming around to meet him and pull him into a proper embrace. Alex rested his head against the southerner's chest.
"Alexander?"
"Hmm?"
"What does this make us?"
"...It - I - I don't know," he admitted quietly.
Thomas swallowed hard, but nodded.
"You're in a very fragile state, Alexander. I'm not going to make you decide yet. I doubt you meant... what just happened."
He could see the pain behind Thomas's kind smile.
"I don't know," he whispered.
"Figure it out, Alexander. But take your time. And if you want to pretend it never happened, that's okay."
Thomas pulled away from Alex, entering the house and leaving Alex to stand outside. He followed him quickly, going to his room and shutting the door behind him.

He needed to think.

But first, he needed to sleep. Maybe his mind would be more clear when he woke.

He laid on his bed, but found that it was impossible to get comfortable. He had only slept in the hospital out of sheer exhaustion, and, well, he had been knocked out. He was used to being with Thomas on the sofa, but didn't want to make things awkward. He crept out of his room, sneaking into the living room to make sure that Thomas was still there. He then made his way to Thomas's room, quickly snatching a pillow from his bed and running back to his own room.

It wasn't nearly as good as Thomas, but it smelled like him, and that was enough. He hoped that it wasn't creepy or anything, he just... couldn't sleep without the stupid democrat. He buried his face into the pillow, nearly suffocating himself. He couldn't stop trying to find some kind of heat source within it. After a bit of tossing and turning, Alex fell asleep.

______________________________________

Alexander awoke at around 10:30 PM. He sat up and yawned, confused as to where he was. Then he remembered the wreck, the hospital, and... kissing Thomas. He let out a groan as he recalled the embarrassing moment, but he had loved it.

The question was, was he ready for another relationship? He had just gotten out of such a terrible one, and...
But this was different. He didn't feel forced or pressured. Thomas was giving him time to think. And that's just what he did. He thought about the pros and the cons, and wondered if Thomas would want people to know. In fact, he wondered if he himself wanted people to know.

What made him decide was when he remembered the feeling he got when Madison was all over Thomas. He concluded that it must have been jealousy, and never wanted to see Thomas have someone else on him like that. The thought made him absolutely sick.
He knew he had no right to say so if they were just friends. He knew if they were strictly platonic, he wouldn't even be feeling that jealousy in the first place.
He prepared himself, taking deep breaths and putting his hair up in a ponytail. The cold air on his neck cleared his head a bit, and he stepped out and walked slowly into the living room.

As expected, Thomas was there, scrolling through his phone. Alex took a seat beside him, and Thomas looked up at him with a smile.
"Hey."
"Hi."
Alexander took a deep breath.
"I've decided... I've decided I want... you. I want there to be an us."