Let Me Inside Your Heart || Jamilton

"Us"

Thomas was driving Alex home from the hospital, and it was strangely silent in the car. Neither man spoke a word, and Thomas was okay with the silence. It allowed him to think about things. But when he started to think, his thoughts drifted to James and what he could do to repair their friendship. He pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind, and without taking his eyes off the road he reached over and placed one hand on top of Alex's. This seemed to startle him, as he heard a sharp intake of breath. This reaction was something Thomas found cute for some reason, and he felt his face heat up. God, what was wrong with him? He was pathetic.

They pulled into the driveway of the house and Thomas moved his hand away from Alex's. He was about to exit the car when he heard his name being called by Alex.
"Thomas?"
He looked over blankly, unsure of what the scholar could want. "Yes?"
"I hate you."
Thomas was confused and opened his mouth to return the statement with an indignant response, when he felt himself being yanked forward by his shirt.
He was even more confused now. Was he about to get punched or something?
"What're you-"
"Shut up."
"What?"
That's when Alex leaned up to him, and he felt the shorter man's lips brush against his own momentarily, before pressing forward into an actual kiss.
Thomas hardly registered the action, just sitting there for a moment. Then, there was a strange sensation that coursed through his body. It tingled and brought strength back to him. He pulled Alex closer to him with one arm, and it was made slightly difficult because they were in a car, but they still managed.
To Thomas, it still felt perfect.
Something that was similar to but wasn't exactly lust crept up within him, slowly at first and then rushing to him so quickly that he almost had to pull away to catch his breath. But he was too far into the moment to do that, so instead he went farther with his actions, pressing his tongue against Alex's mouth only to find the annoying barrier that was his teeth. Something tried to take control of him, and he felt a growl build up in him, but he refused to let it release. When he was overtaken by lust, it was easy for him to lose control.

Then he noticed that the other man was extremely tense, and he felt his shoulders jerking forward slightly. Alex had ahold of his shirt very tightly, as if letting go would bring consequence. Afraid that he had gone too far, he pulled away. A small whine came from Alexander, sending shivers through Thomas that made him want to kiss him again.
And, well, he had other thoughts, too.
If that tiny noise had made him like this, then he couldn't imagine what would happen if...
No. He needed to see what was wrong.
"Alexander? Why are you crying? And what's with the death grip?" he asked as he saw the tears streaming from Alexander's eyes. He looked confused for a moment.
"Have I done something wrong?"
Alex shook his head. "N-no!" he said, his voice slightly raspy and full of his fading lust.
Oh God.
"I just - I just overwhelmed myself, I guess." Thomas nodded, feeling relieved. A lot had happened in that moment, but Thomas enjoyed every second of it.
Alex got out of the car and so did Thomas, walking in front of the car and pulling Alex to him. Finally, they could be in a proper embrace with nothing blocking his way.
They stood there for a moment, and Thomas tensed when he felt Alex rest his head on his chest. Warmth built in his heart, and then quickly turned cold when he thought of something.
"Alexander?"
The man looked up at him with his beautiful brown eyes.
"Hmm?"
"What does this make us?"
"It - I - I don't know," Alex murmured, sounding defeated.
Thomas's heart dropped, but he didn't expect it to be this easy.
"You're in a very fragile state, Alexander. I'm not going to make you decide yet. I doubt you meant... what happened."
Alex sighed softly. "I don't know."
"Figure it out, Alexander. And if you want to pretend it never happened, that's fine."
Those words hurt to say.
He pulled away, walking briskly into the house.

______________________________________

Thomas was sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone. He was contemplating messaging James, but was uncertain as to whether he should. He definitely wasn't going to 'try things out' with him. No. His feelings for Alex were too strong.

He heard footsteps, and then Alex sat beside him, looking nervous. Thomas looked up at him, setting his phone down beside him.
"Hey," Alex said.
"Hi."
Alexander took a feel breath, and Thomas feared the worst.
"I've decided... I've decided I want... you. I want there to be an us."
Thomas could hardly believe what he was hearing. "You... you do?"
"Yes. I'm sure I do. I want you. I love the way you made me feel earlier."
Thomas smiled softly.
"I'm glad."
Alexander was about to turn away, at a loss for words. But Thomas pulled him forward, finally able to kiss him in a comfortable position.
Alex let out a squeak of surprise at this, but didn't resist. Thomas moved and pushed Alexander down onto the sofa, his head hitting the soft cushion. Thomas pressed his tongue in between Alex's soft lips, to find that his teeth were already parted.
He finally gained access to Alex's mouth, and Alex didn't even put up much of a fight as their tongues collided. He just submitted, and Thomas couldn't believe how good this felt as this happened.
Thomas was then aware of something brushing against his leg - something hard and warm.
He pulled away from the kiss, bringing his mouth close to Alex's ear.
"You like this, don't you?" he purred.
Alexander only whined in response, and Thomas brought his lips to Alex's neck, finding his pulse and very gently taking his skin between his teeth as he nipped him. This incited a soft moan from Alex, and Thomas finally released a growl, like the one that had almost come from him earlier. He felt Alex raise his hips, grinding desperately against Thomas.
"Eager?" he murmured.
"Hnn..."
Thomas let his hands slide under Alex's shirt, and the smaller man stiffened. Thomas felt a hand against his chest.
"No."
Oh, how he wanted to continue. He wanted this - he wanted Alex.
"Please, don't. Stop."
Thomas hesitantly sat up, looking down at Alex. His face was flushed, tinted red. Thomas could still see the tightening in Alexander's jeans.
But his eyes held fear in them.
"I'm... I'm just not ready," he said, his voice cracking. Thomas nodded, still painfully aware of his own arousal.
"I understand."
"I'm so sorry. I want this. I want you. But I can't. I keep thinking of him. I panic, because I remember... it's strange, I'm sorry..."
Thomas nodded and pulled Alexander close, his arms around him in a loving embrace.
"It's okay. I promise. I can be patient."
"Thank you."
They sat there, Thomas holding Alex almost protectively.
Even if he didn't get exactly what he wanted, Thomas couldn't be happier.

A/N: Dear god people. Almost 900 views.
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