Let Me Inside Your Heart || Jamilton

Complications

Self control, Alex.

He had to repeat the words in his head over and over. Thomas had disappeared into the kitchen, and Alex wanted to follow him. He didn't know why - he just felt unsafe by himself. It was a stupid fear, though, because Thomas was just in the othet room. So he was left fidgeting, trying to distract the urge to bother Thomas, who was cooking.

But he was finding it increasingly difficult.

Finally, he gave in and stood up, heading to the kitchen. He walked in to find Thomas standing over a stove, looking absolutely lost. His eyes were unfocused and staring at the floor. Alex approached him quietly and stood behind him, putting his hands on the taller man's shoulders. Thomas jumped, spinning around to face Alex with a startled expression.

"Oh-" he chuckled nervously. "Alexander. Did you need something?" They were now in an awkward position - their bodies were much too close, and Thomas had caught Alex by the waist when he had turned around. He fought to breathe, pulling away from him. Thomas's eyes widened as he realised what had happened.
"I'm - I'm so sorry, Alexander," he said.
"No, it's okay. And I just wanted to see what you're in here cooking, 'cause I didn't smell mac n' cheese," he explained.
"Oh. Yeah. Steak. Thought you'd appreciate it."
Alex smiled at the fact that Thomas had taken him into consideration.
"What're you smiling at?" He demanded.
"You."
"Why?"
"Because you're too nice to me."
He stared up at Thomas, a slight smile on his lips. Something flashed in Thomas's dark eyes, causing him to turn away from him pointedly. Alex was confused.
"What's wrong?"
"N-nothing, Alex. You should go sit down."
Alex took a seat on the floor, across the room.
"In the living room, I mean."
"I don't want to."
Thomas crossed his arms. "Don't distract the chef."
"I'll be quiet. I just wanna make sure you don't mess up or anything." Thomas rolled his eyes at this, but didn't argue any more.

______________________________________

The next week or so was spent almost entirely in the house. At night, the two would sleep on the sofa. During the day, Thomas would cook and clean and Alex would trail him like a puppy, not really much of a help. But Thomas didn't mind it - it was nice having the company. But when Sunday came around, Thomas knew he had to go back to work. He couldn't continue taking sick days.

He sat down on the sofa, prepared to explain this to Alex, when a knock interrupted him. He sat up uncertainly, unsure of who it could be. Someone from work coming to check on him? Alexander shifted nervously. "Who is it?" Alex asked.

"Well I certainly know, because I can see through the door," Thomas responded sarcastically. Alexander rolled his eyes. "I thought maybe you invited someone or something."
"I'd tell you first. You're an absolute mess - look at your hair!"
"Shut up."
"Go fix it."
He let out an exaggerated sigh, but walked into the bathroom.

From the other room, he hears faint voices. If it were louder, Alex would be able to recognize the other voice. Once his hair was put up, he walked back into the living room.

There sat James Madison, way too close to Thomas than Alex was comfortable with. He felt something unfamiliar within him, and he didn't like it at all.

"Oh, there's Alex. I knew you were here - Thomas and I talk quite a bit over the phone. I've been visiting relatives for a while but I'm back now." Madison attempted a kind smile, but his eyes were full of contempt. "Yeah..." Thomas coughed a bit, refusing to look directly at Alexander. "He... He stays here a lot." Madison smirked. "I hope that's not a problem or anything."
Thomas looked extremely uncomfortable.
Madison lowered his voice and went back to talking to Jefferson. "...right, so, yes or no?" Thomas looked around nervously.
Alexander didn't even need a hint to be compelled to leave. He turned the corner and took a deep breath. He hated eavesdropping (no he didn't), but...

"James... A-as friends, right?"
There was a silence.
"I-if that's what you want," Madison responded finally, though he sounded down about it.
"Well, we can just - we can see what happens, okay?"
"Just give it a chance. Please, Thomas."
"Fine, okay. Whatever. So... You're not going to tell me where you're taking me?"
"No."
"Okay..."

Alex felt his stomach turn. Had the wall not been there he probably would have stumbled. Feeling numb, he walked into his room to grab a few things.
Keys, money, laptop, clothes.
A few things? No, he took everything.
A hotel wouldn't be that expensive.

As he put all this in his suitcase he felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. He knew he couldn't stay alone. But right now, he couldn't be there, in the same house as James Madison. He dropped his suitcase, dropping to his knees and letting his head drop downwards, defeated.

Why did he care? He shouldn't. He didn't. But the person he trusted was now being taken from him. Just like everyone else he grew close to -
Lafayette. John. Hercules - though that was Alex's own fault. They were gone. Lafayette kept in contact, but it wasn't enough. And now Thomas was being taken from him. He walked out with only his car keys, saying nothing as he passed the two men. Thomas glanced at him but said nothing. Alex tried to hold himself together as he saw Madison's body leaned into Thomas's. They weren't even a couple! Why was James being so affectionate toward Thomas?! He clearly didn't seem okay with it!

But he noticed the uneasy smile on Thomas's lips and knew that if he truly disliked the situation, he would have stopped it. But he didn't.

Alexander got into his car and decided to drive. He didn't know where he would go - perhaps he would just drive around. He hadn't brought any money.

He didn't even see the other car that was racing toward his all too quickly.