Let Me Inside Your Heart || Jamilton

Acceptance

Thomas was battling his own feelings.

He couldn't deny it anymore. The way he felt when he looked down at the small man, curled up on his couch - it just wasn't something he could come up with excuses for. He had feelings for him. With everything he had, he attempted to resist it. This was a man he had despised since the beginning. Why were these feelings surfacing now? He considered that maybe it was just pity. He was snapped out of his thoughts by a groggy voice.
"Thomas?"
Thomas looked down at his phone. It was 4 AM.
"Go back to sleep, Alexander."
"I keep waking up. I keep waking up expecting him to be there, Thomas."
He sighed softly. "He won't ever bother you again, Alexander."
"I know, I know. But just, could you come sit over here? Please?"
Thomas was startled. Alex had been avoiding all physical contact ever since the night he was liberated from Preston.
"Um, yeah, sure, I guess."
Alex sat up sleepily, yawning and rubbing his eyes. Thomas got up and then sat down beside him. Alexander laid back down, resting his head in Thomas's lap, much to his surprise.

"What're you-"
"Just shut up, would you? I'm tired." Alex pulled the blanket back over himself, yawning once again before closing his eyes. It only took around five minutes for his breathing to steady as he fell back asleep. Thomas had no idea what was going on - but he was incredibly nervous. He picked up his phone and tried to distract himself, but that proved impossible when he felt a hand grab onto his shirt.

He looked down at the sleeping man, who had grabbed tightly onto his shirt in his sleep. His knuckles were white with how tight his grip was. He heard a soft whimper escape Alexander, and he reached a hand down to stroke his hair.
"Shh. Relax."
This seemed to soothe him, as he released his death grip on his shirt and his hand fell limply down. He gave a tiny sigh before relaxing himself once more and falling back into deep sleep. Thomas found that he enjoyed the feeling of Alexander's hair, so he decided that it wouldn't hurt to keep his hand there for a while.
Just a few minutes.
But minutes turned into hours, and Thomas just sat there, his hand stroking Alex's dark hair as he looked through social media, using his free hand to navigate his phone. His fingers slipped into the tangled mess that was Alex's hair, feeling the warmth trapped beneath it. He absently undid the knots, just like the night Alex had fallen asleep on him. Before long he was tracing his fingertips across the side of Alexander's face, tracing his features. He felt along his jawline, up to his ear, over his cheekbones. He found himself touching something soft and warm, and looked down to see that it was his lips. Alex stirred slightly, his breath brushing against Thomas's hand, quite warm. Having gone far enough, he decided to return to just stroking his hair gently.

At around 7 AM, Thomas found himself too tired to even keep his eyes open. He kept nodding off, and Alex was like a heater. For some reason he was incredibly warm. The heat made him even drowsier, and he felt as if he were going to fall asleep at any moment. Alexander didn't seem as if he was going to wake up any time soon, so Thomas let himself sleep.

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Alexander's POV

By the time Alex awoke, late afternoon sunlight was filtering in through the living room windows. Alexander was confused, not used to waking up anywhere but Preston's house or the guest bedroom. But as he heard soft snores from someone, he froze. He lifted his head, realising that it wasn't a pillow his head was resting on. He felt immense relief as he looked upon the face of Thomas Jefferson. He was safe. Everything was okay. He laid his head back down, much too tired to feel disgusted with himself for laying on Jefferson. At first it had been hard to be near him, but when he had awoken in the middle of the night he felt so painfully alone - despite the fact that Thomas had been right across from him. That loneliness made him feel vulnerable, and his anxiety had begun to build up again, so he submitted to his mind's desperation and called Thomas over. He had no reason not to trust him - he had been the one to help him, after all.

One of the (many) differences between Thomas and Preston was that Thomas was gentle. He never touched Alex in a remotely violent or forceful way - or without his consent, either. This made him feel secure, but he wasn't one hundred percent certain that he wouldn't just suddenly turn on him and hurt him. He always jumped at sudden movements now, and he found it pathetic. He didn't even trust himself. What had Preston done to him?

He didn't know if he would ever be able to trust a stranger again. It had taken him a while to get used to Jefferson being around, and even then he was very skittish around him still.
Well, there goes ever dating again.
If he was too frightened to go out into the world and meet new people, he certainly wouldn't find himself in a relationship unless it was with someone he knew. And he didn't know that many people personally. Lafayette was a very sweet man, but he was all the way in France. Hercules...
He pushed the thought of that man away.
He nearly chuckled out loud at the thought of being with Thomas, relieving his self-induced tension that he had brought about by thinking of Hercules.
He wouldn't get with Jefferson if he were the last person on earth.
...right?

As Alex pondered these things, he found that sleep was slowly tugging him down once again. He tried to push it away but found it impossible. He was agitated by the brightness of the sunlight, though, so he turned around and pressed his face against Thomas's stomach in a successful attempt to hide from the light. With that, he fell asleep.