A Wednesday night 9:50pm
And this is where small heartbreaks begin, or in small scratches or bruises. It's not caused by him per say but his deep sad words that describe his past as something terrible and unforgettable.
It forged the way he now thinks of the world and of every person that shelters on it. You'd expect me to sympathize over it but instead I can only pity the boy with broken dreams and shattered mindset.
I claim to want to help people with thoughts that mess everything up for themselves but he somehow leaves me speechless. As if I can't think or find anything that can make him feel better because, he's in the wrong.
But after listening to the drawn out story of his first love I've come to realize how similar I and the captivating girl he described are, or were.
It leaves me hopeless
He's already had certain experiences with someone he related deeply to. So what exactly am I of purpose for. Explaining the certain things they would do I slowly realized that we have been doing the same exact thing. But what's the difference in all of this.
Maybe that's why he thinks of life as something no longer needed to live to the fullest, because he's been doing the same exact mistakes with the same exact people of different visuals.
And although, third times the charm, I can't help but think at the back of my head that it'll be my priority to not break his healing heart. To hurt his feelings or cause him any pain. Because in the end it'll end up hurting me the most.
So do I force myself to like him as much as possible even though it is all false?
Do I rush myself into a relationship for him?
Do I place him before any of my maturing feelings.
Will he understand how I want this to develop
The questions are endless, and I have no help to guide the way. I wish more people would read this book and comment on what I should do.
And the conversation over his enlistment into the army corps also brings great sadness onto my view of the fantasy future I thought could maybe take place.
If he'd give me enough time to truly fall in love with him when our minds aren't jumbled and finally at the adult stage. What would my love be given to when he is miles away in some sort of training facility with no connection between us two.
This is all heading straight to a failure and I know I should have more hope and think positively but this whole cliche of a story makes me feel lonely and poetic.
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