a thursday night ( 10:45pm )
I know I will regret what my life has ended up as, or will end up as. I'll probably be 28 and still be living with my parents with an hourly wage of 15 dollars an hour. It's honestly perfectly planned out, I want to become a therapist because I claim to be deeply interested in the human mind - I'm not sure if that's still true. I hold onto that career choice because maybe I finally have one. So whenever someone asks me "hey what do you want to do?" I'll simply reply that I want to be a psychological therapist.
On the other hand I love drawing, adore it enough to call it a natural talent I was born with. The thought amazes me, of growing up with a talent you just have. Some can sing or dance. It comes with you as if you were a package ready to be sent away to do great things with that talent.
So what if I'm decent at drawing, I sometimes doubt myself and think that I'm not all that good. I'm alright.
Who knows maybe 10 years from now I'll have my own clothing line, earning billions a day ( how I wish ).
But how can I do that when I wait till ten pm on a Thursday night to do my homework. I'm a lazy person and have too much pride for my small, and probably diabetic, body. You could call my life a failure, I may be only 16 but I have enough knowledge to know that my 82. something average wont exactly get me anywhere except straight to a sugar daddy.
That idea itself doesn't seem half bad.
Successful people grow from a hardworking past, I try to tell myself that when I put off school work or any type of work actually. I can promise myself that I will in fact regret every single second of my highschool years.
I love imagining myself in situations that will most likely never happen. For example, getting recognized for my physical features and getting paid for looking decently nice. A model.
Which will never happen because I am in fact a sack of awkward ooz in front of cameras.
I sometimes see myself in love and with a paintbrush in hand. Working on a piece blurry enough to call beautiful.
They all end in happiness and satisfaction. We all do it, every single day, imagine what would happen if things were a bit different in our lives.
I worry that one day I'll maybe fall into a bit of depression. No not because my life is the worst thing possible but because I get extremely bored and lonely. When I think of friends I can only count two.
You learn to lose them as life passes you by in quick steps and no apologies.
But then I realize that I have two working arms and legs with nothing to die from. I'm not exactly worthy enough for depression.
In conclusion I want to be someone. I want to succeed enough to make my parents proud. I want to look back at my life when I'm old and grey and be satisfied. But we all want something and sometimes it never works out the way you want them to.
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