Dear Kyle,
today Dad visited me.
It's funny because the last time I saw him he vowed to never see his fuck up ever again. That even breathing the same air I was, it made him feel sick.
I know that what I've done has given his a great reason to hate me. But it's an awful feeling.
And then add the weight of You and Mom and it's almost unbearable. Fuck the weight of living is so much to carry.
Anyways when he first saw me his eyes immediately began watering.
"Oh my god." He cried, covering his mouth with his hands.
"What happened to you?" He demanded sitting next to the hospital bed. I'm sure I still look like complete shit. The last time I saw my reflection my eyes were bloodshot, and my neck was a shade of black and swollen.
I didn't want to tell him anything. He already hated me, I didn't want to add fuel to the fire.
Kyle that's when you showed up. You were standing next to dad, and had a finger held up to your lips. As if silencing me.
"Daniel please, tell me what's going on. Let me."
Kyle he sounded so desperate. I had to say something.
"He's here." I silently pointed to you Kyle, my eyes going wide as anger took over your features.
Dad quickly turned to where I pointed but he didn't see you. And just like in the video I looked completely crazy.
Kyle I'm so sick of sounding insane.
Anyways dad then talked about something going on with my brain, neuropsychiatry I think he said. But like I've said before the memory is complete shit. He said that him and the doctors at the hospital had a procedure they thought would "reverse" my illnesses.
I think it's formal name is Electroconvulsive therapy, but I'm not dumb. It's called shock therapy and I know for a fact it isn't going to help any.
At first I thought he was asking if I thought would help any. But then he said it was happening when my neck was all healed, which means I have no say in it.
"I'm not doing it." I snapped, moving my neck so I could get a better look at him.
"You don't have a choice."
I snapped. Kyle it was so fucking scary, it had been so long since I felt this amount of anger.
"I'll just kill myself. I don't have anything to loose anymore."
He looked so hurt when I said that, which is really weird.
"That's the reason you're in here. Anyone who ever gets in your way you just kill. Killing yourself would just save the government money. They have to keep you alive and healthy in here, so go ahead."
That's when I absolutely lost it. I broke down, and I have no clue what happened after that.
All I know is that I woke up in restraints, and heard that dad was being treated for a broken leg down at the hospital in London.
Kyle please help me.
Love,
Danny
