Just Let Me In... (Izaya Orihara X Reader)

Chapter 18: Conflicting thoughts

I thought everything was getting better...

I was wrong... Life is still a bunch of bullshit...👌👍

Izaya' POV

I reached home and opened the door, throwing my jacket onto the coat rack and sitting on the couch. A few tears still built up in my eyes, I tried to ignore them, but they kept finding a way to get loose. After another tear rolled down my cheek, I decided I had enough and stood up, wiping them away. I walked to my desk. What would make me stop crying?... Messing with Shizu-chan~?.... No, he's probably looking to kill me right now... I continued to try and think of possible solutions, walking to my desk and sitting down at my computer. Why am I even crying?.... It couldn't be (Y/N).... could it?.... No... She's just a normal, ordinary human.... I shook off my thoughts about (Y/N) and started finding information for a certain client.

Reader's POV

"Thanks again, Derrin. I always know I can come to you about my problems." I told Derrin, smiling as he walked with me to the front door. "Of course, (Y/N). I'm always here." He replied, hugging me one last time before I left. I walked towards the cafe, stopping at a small bakery on the way. I walked in, smelling the calming aroma of the baked delicacies. "Hello, may I help you?" I heard a man's voice ask. I smiled and nodded. "Can I get a dozen chocolate muffins?" I asked, kindly. They're Selena's favorite. As the man put together my order, I pulled out my money and put it on the counter. He took it and handed me the box of muffins. I thanked him and left, walking to the cafe. When I entered, I realized it was a little more empty than usual. I looked towards the stage and saw Saga. Walking over, she looked up and saw me. "Hey, (Y/N). How are you doing." She asked. "Could be one hell of a lot better..." I sighed before continuing, "Is Selena still here?" "Yes. She practically never leaves. It means a lot to her after all." Saga replied with a smile. I nodded and smiled back before walking to Selena's office. I knocked, hearing a weak 'come in'. I walked in to see an exhausted looking Selena. "You're back." She said giving me a small smile. I nodded and put the box of muffins on her desk, smiling. She looked at the box in curiosity before opening it. Her face immediately grew into a smile. "You didn't have to do this!" She beamed. "Yes I did. If it makes you smile." I replied, happily. She took one out and handed it to me while picking up another and shoving it in her mouth. I laughed a little and gladly accepted it, taking a bite. "You don't have to tell me now, but is there anything else about this... situation that you want to tell me? You can tell me when you're ready." I said/asked, after awhile. She thought for a moment, looking at the box of muffins. "Well, I have to start chemo soon. They're hoping that it will make the cancer go away... depending on how bad it is." She replied, emphasizing the word "hope". I nodded and finished off my brownie. "You already know I'll be praying every night, so don't forget that. I don't want you to lose hope either. I'll be right next to you every single step of the way. I promise." I assured, getting a little emotional again. She did too and nodded her head. "I'll be back tomorrow, okay?" I asked, walking over to give her a hug. "Okay." She said softly, hugging back. When we let go, I headed out the door. Heading back to the apartment, with my head down, thinking about everything that happened, I bumped into Shizuo's back. He quickly turned, anger apparent on his face until he realized it was me. "Sorry, Shiz-..." I stopped mid-sentence and glared at him. He raised his eyebrow. "You know how I feel about those... those cancer sticks..." I growled, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth and stomping it into the ground. "What the hell, (Y/N)!?" He growled back, reaching in his pocket for another. "No! Stop!" I said sternly, lunging at him and pulling the box out of his hand. "I don't... I don't like it when you smoke..." I said quietly, looking down. Shizuo's angered demeanor slowly softened and he gave me a gentle hug. "Okay... I'm sorry..." He said, patting my back softly. I smiled and looked up at him. "Were you heading home?" I asked, hopefully. "Yeah. I'll walk with you." He replied, to my relief. I nodded and walked alongside him back to the apartment. As we walked, I started to think again. Why is all this happening?... Selena... She's gonna be alright...? Right...? She has to live... She can't leave... She can't leave me... And everything with Izaya... I can't even believe that I went from despising him... to actually liking him a lot... Why'd he have to choose me to break?... Why am I so 'interesting' to him?... Why did I fall into his trap? I'm so stupid... Why... Why do I still like him?........ All these questions swarmed in my head. It took me awhile to realize we already arrived at the apartment. Whatever... I need a nap...

I'M SO FUCKING SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN SO LONG😭😭😭
I DON'T DESERVE ANY OF YOU GUYS
IVE JUST BEEN REALLY BUSY AND STRESSED