Dear God (Avenged Sevenfold)

A LONELY ROAD, CROSSED ANOTHER COLD STATE LINE

June 18th, 2010

Natalie sat nervously in the pediatricians office holding on to her sick toddler with dread in her gut and fear in her eyes. Her daughter Bryleigh had been sick for about a month now and the doctors couldn't seem to figure out what was wrong with her and at 17 months old she couldn't exactly say what was ailing her. Bryleigh whined in her sleep as Natalie held her, her pacifier firmly imbedded in her lips as she clutched her favorite blanket to her chest. Natalie smoothed her hand down her daughter's dark curly hair and wished to god they would give her answers today, she didn't know how many more sleepless nights she could take.

Finally, after what seemed like forever the doctor came in, a grim look on his face and Natalie felt the world drop out from under her. "What is it?" she gasped softly, watching him as he sat down and flipped through papers on the clipboard. "There's no easy way to say this so I'm just going to say it...your daughter has a pretty severe case of Aplastic Anemia." Natalie sat there in a state of shock as the doctor explained to her what the disease was, what could happen and what tests they needed to do in order to figure out the best form of treatment. "We'll run blood tests of course but with cases like this it's almost always going to result in a bone marrow transplant. Is her father around so we can test him too?"

Natalie looked out the window, her vision blurred by tears as she kissed her daughter's little head and sighed. "No, he's not...never has been." "Well we'll start off by testing you and any relatives you have but you may want to consider reaching out to her father if a match can't be found. For now we'll start with more blood tests while you work on locating her father." Natalie shook her head, too numb to speak as her mind raced in a thousand different directions...her baby was sick and she didn't know what to do.

"Doctor Alpine...tell me the truth, how bad is this? I mean...can..." Natalie choked back a sob, unable to say the phrase but the doctor seemed to know what she was getting at. "I'm not going to lie, it's pretty serious and the sooner we get started on this then the better her chances are." Natalie sighed, sucking back a sob as the tears slid down her face and onto her daughter's head. "Then let's skip right to the bone marrow testing, I don't want to wait any longer than I have to. I just want her to get better." The doctor nodded his head and wrote down some information on a piece of paper, telling her where she needed to go to schedule an appointment to have her bone marrow tested. Natalie thanked the doctor for his help and scooped her daughter up onto her shoulder, her little face automatically tucking in against her neck so her breath tickled her skin.

Natalie went into auto pilot as she made her way down to the testing department and scheduled an appointment for the very next day, then drove home on auto pilot, trying to think of what to make for dinner that Bryleigh would eat. She shut off everything inside her as she made dinner and watched her daughter play listlessly on the floor, held it together through bath time and story time but as soon as she had her daughter tucked into bed she had herself a good cry. Natalie sobbed until her body shook to the core and her eyes no longer produced tears, reaching blindly for her phone she dialed the one person she knew she could count on. "Ava can you come over please" she croaked, trying to hide the tears in her voice "I really need you right now." Ava could sense something was terribly wrong and told her she would be right over with a bottle of wine. Natalie tossed her phone aside and waited for her to arrive.

Ava arrive twenty minutes later with wine in hand but from the minute she saw Natalie's face she knew that wine wasn't going to fix whatever was wrong. "Honey what's wrong?" she asked hesitantly as she sat perched on the edge of the couch cushion "Is it Sam? Is he giving you a hard time again about not being Bryleigh's father?" Natalie shook her head and sobbed like Ava had never seen before. "M-m-y-y-y baby is SICKKKKK!" Natalia sobbed, completely deflating and going limp in Ava's hold. Ava felt fear fill her gut as she held onto her best friend and waited for her to settle down enough to find out what was going on. Ava had been there for the entire pregnancy and for the birth of her goddaughter, had babysat her numerous times and spoiled her to no end...Bryleigh was as much her daughter without being blood as she was Natalie's and when Sam flew off the deep end when he realized he wasn't her father, well Ava was there for that too. Good or bad times she had seen them through it all and she would see Natalie through this too...she just had to figure out what was wrong.

"Nat what's wrong with Bryleigh? I mean what does she have? Can I go get her some medicine?" Natalie sniffled and sat up, hugging her knees to her chest. "The doctor says she has something called Aplastic Anemia...and it's a severe case. I'm going in for a bone marrow sample tomorrow to see if I'm compatible. If I don't match I don't know what I'll do...Ava I can't lose her but if we can't find a match then ... OH GOD!" Natalie broke down again, sobbing about how unfair god was for making her baby so deathly ill. Ava's eyes filled with tears as she flashed through Bryleigh's short life and thought about all the times she had with her and Natalie. "Nat listen to me" she stated firmly, sniffling as she pulled her friends face up to hers "We're going to find a match ok. I'm gonna go with you tomorrow and get tested too." Natalie smiled a tear filled smile at her best friend as she hugged her tightly, silently thanking her lucky stars she had at least one decent human being in her life.

"Nat I have to say it" Ava started in softly after they had both calmed down but Natalie knew what her best friend was going to get at. "I don't know how to tell him Ava...I mean, what if he doesn't even believe me? How am I even going to get ahold of him?!" Ava sighed and rammed her fingers through her hair, sending it all over the place. "We'll work on finding him together okay and as far as him denying he's the father...well all he has to do is look at her, she's a carbon copy of him Nat. We will make him see reason if it's the last thing I do." Natalie gave a grim smile and looked away, chewing on her lip. "Ava I can't ask you to put your life on hold while I track down her father just in hopes that he'll believe me and get tested. That's too much on you with your career and your upcoming wedding..." Ava just shook her head and grabbed her best friends chin, forcing her to look her in the eye. "We are doing this...together no matter what you say. Now, let's get some sleep so we can be at the clinic first thing in the morning."