Dear God (Avenged Sevenfold)

When I'm much too far away

For the next week, the hospital was both Natalie and Brian's home as Bryleigh and Brian both were put through the rigors of the marrow removal and transplant. Brian thought he would feel better if someone took a baseball bat to his head rather than another needle go drilling into his hip bone but every time he thought of the pain he remembered that it was all for his daughter...his beautiful, tired little girl who surprised them both by staying so strong during the entire process. Only once did she scream bloody murder, tearing both Natalie and Brian's hearts out as she screamed and screamed for both of them as the nurses held her down so the PICC line could be placed.

Brian was plagued by nightmares the next two nights, nightmares of his daughter's blood curdling screams and the doctors telling him that the procedure didn't work. Neither Natalie or Brian slept well during their time in the Ronald McDonald house but they some how managed to stay as a united front, never fighting or squabbling again. Matt visited on occasion but soon he had to fly back to California, gently reminding Brian that he would soon be needed at home as well. Natalie overheard this conversation one day when she returned to the room early, staying in the doorway, out of sight as Matt and Brian both talked quietly. Natalie could tell Brian was frustrated with the idea just by listening to him as he talked. "Dude can't you guys figure this out without me? I mean I kinda wanted to stay a little longer just in case Natalie needs me or something..." more hushed words from the guys that Natalie couldn't decipher before she heard Matt get up, approaching the door. "Dude I get it, I really do and for what it's worth I'm glad you've manned up and taken on this father role and shit but we really need you back at base."

Natalie quickly scurried down the hallway before Matt caught her eavesdropping, acting like she was just coming back to the room instead. Matt spotted her as he left the room and gave her a smile before hugging her. "I'm glad to hear she's doing better" he stated quietly "I'm gonna head back home today...there's work to be done" he laughed easily. "Say goodbye to Ava for me would you?" Natalie nodded her head silently in agreement, watching him leave before heading back to the room. Brian was standing at the window, looking out at the grey sky with his arms crossed. Remembering that she was supposed to not have heard that conversation, Natalie slapped a smile on her face as she neared Brian, filling him in on what the doctor told her. "I should be able to take Bryleigh home in the next day or two as long as her vitals are normal and she eats and goes potty like she's supposed to." Brian stayed silent, smiling only slightly at the news, his eyes still on the clouds outside. They stood there in silence together for a few moments before Brian cleared his throat and spoke up. "Matt is strongly encouraging that I get my ass back home."

They stood there in silence for a few minutes before Natalie spoke up, making sure to keep her voice neutral and light. "I totally understand Brian. I really appreciate everything you've done for us...for Bryleigh. I'll never be able to repay you for stepping up to the plate...and I want you to know that you can come visit any time you want. My door is always open for you." Natalie gave Brian a convincing, happy smile as he pulled her in for a hug, all the while her heart was breaking at the thought of how upset Bryleigh would be.

Within three days Bryleigh was discharged from the hospital with a slew of follow up appointments scheduled, some medicines and a booklet of instructions on post-op bone marrow transplant care. Brian knew his time in Miami was up and felt himself torn in two for once in his life. He knew he had a life and responsibilities back in California but now he had his daughter and Natalie in his life as well and while he wasn't quite sure what was going on with him and Natalie he still felt like he was abandoning her as well as his daughter. Ava was due to come over to the condo to sit with Bryleigh while Natalie drove Brian to the airport late at night. Brian purposely bought a departure ticket for midnight, thinking that leaving after Bryleigh was in bed would be better but as he tucked her into bed and kissed her good night he felt his gut tie in knots and his chest grow heavy.

"Night sweet cheeks" he whispered softly, brushing a lock of hair off her forehead. Bryleigh was just about asleep, still very much weak from everything she had been through but she still managed a sleepy smile, whispering 'daddy' before dropping off to sleep. Brian dragged his eyes up to the ceiling, sniffing hard as he fought back tears. Who would have thought such a tiny little person could wiggle her way into his heart the way Bryleigh did? Brian stood there for a moment longer, memorizing his daughter's features until his eyes glazed over with tears that he couldn't fight back. "Fuck" he muttered softly, dragging the heels of his hands across his eyes as he struggled to compose himself before he slowly walked out of her room one last time. He could hear Natalie in the kitchen talking softly to Ava who must have arrived while he was tucking Bryleigh in and with everything in him, he plastered on his usual 'everything is fucking great' smile and rounded the corner. "Thanks for coming over to sit with her so Nat can taxi me to the airport" he teased, slipping more and more into his hard shelled persona. "It's no problem at all" Ava stated "For what it's worth, I'm really glad you came out here. I guess I was wrong about you." Brian chuckled, his eyes on Natalie as she grabbed her purse and keys. "Well I'm glad you don't hate me anymore...maybe then I can come back for a visit?" Before Ava could even speak up, Natalie responded with a cover up smile "You are welcome here any time...I already told you that."

Two hours later both Natalie and Brian were in the airport saying their goodbyes in a quieter part of the terminal. "I will never be able to thank you enough for doing this for me...for Bryleigh. I meant what I said earlier Brian, you can visit any time." Natalie's eyes were on Brian's the entire time even though deep inside, her heart was breaking...she knew all too well that Bryleigh was going to be heartbroken come morning time when Brian wasn't there. "I'll make sure to come visit the first chance I get okay?" Brian's voice was gentle as he pulled her in for one last hug, his flight was being announced and he only had minutes left with Natalie. "Make sure you keep in touch, call whatever time...I won't mind." Natalie nodded her head silently, tears filling her eyes as she reached in her purse and handed Brian a small photo album. "I threw these together at the last minute...I-I hope you like them." And with one last kiss, she turned and walked away quickly, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket.

Brian waited till he was in his seat to flip through the album, smiling at the pictures of Bryleigh in different ages but the last picture brought tears instantly to his eyes. Natalie had snapped a picture of him sitting on the couch holding Bryleigh. He didn't remember her taking the picture so he assumed by the look on his face that he was zoned in on the TV but what tore at him was how peaceful Bryleigh looked, asleep in his lap with her hand wrapped around his finger, the 'L' on his knuckle hidden from view. As the plane took off he silently vowed that he would make a return visit as soon as humanely possible...the band would just have to understand...