delivered

85

the grey patterned wall of their room was staring harshly at dan, silently rattling at him for making everything go wrong. the frame of the bed which was made out of golden timber-wood was the one who was willing to hold the weight of all of dan's mistakes once-today it just digs unforgivingly into his back as he leans against it. the carpet underneath him was no longer feeling velvety against his skin, the thin hair pricking into his skin uncomfortably and hesitantly soaking the drops of salt falling constantly from dan's eyes.

he had been sitting here since the past twenty minutes, every muscle in his body refusing to move away from phil and from this place he calls home. he is aware that phil can hear him sobbing through the thin walls, and although he knows that he isn't worthy of phil's comfort, he still selfishly hopes for phil to give him another chance.

his eyes are focused on a chocolate stain on their carpet from last year, the small smudge of brown bringing back a tonne of memories of phil's birthday last year when dan had woken him up with a kiss on the forehead at midnight and a home-made cake that was probably undercooked.

eyes travelling further to the scar embedded in the door of their closet, the wood chipped off because adrian had accidentally scraped his metal ruler against it. up to the old digital clock sitting on the nightstand that has witnessed every kiss and every hug and every smile and every petty argument, and down to the inflated dinosaur phil bought as a joke, his vision was blurring constantly at the reminder of leaving this all behind.

"papa?" dan's eyes went wide when the sleep laced voice cut through the eerie silence and he quickly wiped his eyes and blotted his cheeks with the back of his sleeve so it doesn't look like he's been crying. it was a lost cause though, anyone would be able to tell how broken he was with his bloodshot eyes and pink, blotchy cheeks.

"are you okay? where's dad?" adrian walked further into the room, sitting on the edge of his parents' bed and staring at dan with eyes laced with sleep and a worried expression on his soft features.

"i'm fine, phil must be outside," dan managed to give him a small smile, hoping that phil wouldn't break the news of how horrible of a father dan was to adrian. he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he saw the betrayed expression on adrian's face, his lips parting in disbelief and his bright eyes watering.

dan pushed the image out of his mind and picked out a luggage from the top shelf, trying to hold back the tears as he messily shoved the minimal amount of clothes he owned into the bag. he still hadn't unpacked when he came back home last morning, so a majority of his belongings were already packed, and his fingers skimmed over a few sweatshirts that phil owned, discreetly pulling a single one off the hanger and placing it in his bag.

when he zipped the bag shut he was breaking down all over again, his knees giving in as he sunk into the mattress and buried his face in his hands, quietly letting the tears soak the palm of his hands. the lump in his throat was spiked with regrets, all the mistakes that he has made, and no matter how hard he tries, he can't will himself to stop crying. his breathing is restricted, lungs collapsing inside his chest and his heart that was beginning to place pieces together out of hope was broken again, the freshly wounded muscle hurting worse than ever before.

"dan?" when he heard phil's voice he had lost all control, heaving helplessly and letting out choked sobs, his mouth dry and throat filling up with bile.

"please don't make me leave," his words were barely strung together, falling apart as they escaped his mouth, his voice strained and heavy.

"dan-"

"please phil, i will do anything, just please don't make me leave i can't live without you," dan was yelling now, his emotions out of control as he got off the bed, wiping his cheeks and looking at phil who refused to meet his eyes.

"please don't make this any harder," phil's voice wasn't above a whisper and even though dan had just wiped his cheeks, they were streaked with tears again, his lips cracked and his entire body shaking.

"i-i love you," dan choked, cupping a hand around his mouth so his sobs can't be heard by adrian and phil just shakes his head, rubbing his hands along his face, his face drained of colour and his eyes dull and watery and just by looking at phil, dan's heart was breaking all over again.

"y-you can get the rest of your stuff later, just leave now i can't bear to have you in the same house," phil's voice was quiet, his tone no longer angry or hurt or betrayed. his tone was devoid of any emotion, as if he was just speaking for the sake of speaking and dan just bit his lip, grabbing both his bags and dragging them across the room as fast as he could, stray tears dripping down his chin and leaving a dotted trail of his departure on the worn out carpet.

"what will i say to adrian?"

"i don't know,"

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