delivered

104

the seven am sun greets dan's puffy cheeks and heavy dark circles in the softest way possible, the dim light dotting up against his freckles and weaving through his wavy hair, igniting a few brown strands into a pale golden colour. he sighs, wrapping his fingers firmly around the cup of tea and staring into the unpopulated streets outside.

the thin layer of fog curls his hair further, and chills the tip of his nose, but the weather is one of the last things dan cares about as he sips on the warm liquid. he's been sitting out on this balcony for long enough to see the sky change colours, and next to him, the glass of whisky he had spontaneously made is kept untouched. the image of phil breaking down and asking him to leave is a little less harsh behind his eyes now, phil's words a little less loud.

he is aware he has made a mistake, god knows he would do anything to take it back, but he is just so tired of trying to get phil back. every time he convinces himself to give phil some time to recover, he finds himself right at phil's feet, asking for forgiveness, crying, sobbing, breaking himself almost as much as phil at each refusal. he needs to calm down, he needs to understand that phil needs time to heal from this but somehow, he knows that even after this, even after the millionth time of attempting to explain himself, he will land right back where he was a few hours ago-begging, crying and hurting phil like he always does.

before he can proceed degrading himself and the terrible choices he makes, two small hands cover his eyelids and the scented candle that has somehow managed to weave it's fragrance through adrian's clothes makes a gentle comfort rise at the base of his heart.

"guess who?" he already knew it was adrian, but the effort adrian put this early in the morning to deepen his voice made dan giggle nonetheless.

"these wrinkly hands could only belong to my son," he speaks sarcastically, the tone of his voice sounded happy for someone who has spent the entire night attempting to pick up the pieces of his heart and arrange them into a better pile.

"merry christmas," adrian doesn't respond with a smart comment because he knows just how much effort it would take from his father to actually hold a conversation with him at this time, he can almost feel the weight of the purple bags ruining his father's face. he just wraps his arms around his shoulders from behind and sinks his chin on top of dan's head.

"merry christmas darling," dan just grips adrian's arms that are resting around his shoulders and gives them an assuring squeeze, his eyes wandering over to the heavily clouded sky.

a year ago at this time he would be pulling phil impossibly close to himself under their duvet and pressing multiple kisses to his pale cheeks, watching as the colour rose on them almost immediately. phil would hug him and mutter something irrelevant about how he hates mornings and then he would kiss him and wish him a merry christmas. an hour later he would watch fondly as phil and adrian made an absolute mess of the entire kitchen while preparing the world's worst cookies ever, and then eating them with a silent disgust on their features, neither of them admitting how bad they were at baking. and then they would cuddle up on the couch and watch every disney movie possible and order some food because neither of them could be bothered to get up and do something other than just being lazy.

when did christmas mornings become so despondent?

"care to share?" adrian moved his arms from around dan's shoulders and dragged another chair to sit beside him, the cool air marking his cheeks and nose with a harsh pink.

"i'm really sorry you have to watch us like this," dan has been thinking a lot as to how adrian would feel if he and phil actually parted ways. he can't bring himself to imagine how brutally their divorce could affect adrian and his outlook on life. he doesn't want adrian to turn into someone like himself when he was younger, he doesn't want adrian to have trust issues and lose belief in relationships and love. he doesn't want the warmth of his cheeks to develop into bags under his eyes and he doesn't want to even think about adrian crying as he realises how hopeless and bleak the reality of this world is. "you don't deserve this at all adrian, i shouldn't be ruining our family like this, i am so sorry, i am so-"

"no, it's okay, everyone fights, everyone has their bad days," adrian tries to meddle away the helpless tone in his father's voice but somewhere in him he knows that everything is too far gone to be saved.

"not like this," dan mumbles. "not like us,"

dan had always wanted to have kids, to treat them like he wasn't treated. he wanted to give them everything he possibly could, he wanted to be supportive and to let them know that no matter what happens he will always have their back, that he will be the last person to desert them in a time where they needed help. being a good father was one of his main goals in life, the day he and phil adopted adrian was probably the best day of his life.

he can't ruin this, he can't let adrian suffer.

"i know santa isn't real," adrian interrupts his thoughts and when dan looks over at him, he is pulling his sleeves over his hands and staring into his lap. "but all i have wished for this christmas is for you two to be okay, for you two to be like you were the first time i saw you,"

--

hey !!!!!!!!!
i hope you didn't forget everything that has happened so far im sos ososososos sorry for the delay
im sorry if this was shit, i'm trying to get back to writing sad sad chapters
let's hope the next one is better !!
until then, stay hydrated and take care of urselves x