delivered

95

dan entered the kitchen hesitantly, silently watching as phil settled a stack of plates and a few spoons and forks on the counter, turning around and making his way to the fridge. when phil noticed dan discreetly standing at the threshold of the kitchen, he paused his actions, biting his lip and raising his eyebrows slightly at the younger boy who looked away as soon as their eyes met.

"you need something?" phil mumbled quietly, his fingers tightening their grip on the refrigerator handle but not opening it.

"y-your mum told me to help," dan flinched at his own voice, sounding just as pathetic as he felt. "sorry, i-i don't want to make you uncomfortable but i didn't know how to tell her-" dan begins to ramble nervously and phil just sighs, shaking his head and finally diverting his attention back to the fridge, opening it and taking out the chicken so it can be grilled.

"it doesn't matter," he responded vaguely, making his way to the stove as he ignited one of them and placed a grill pan on the gas. dan stood still, confused by his calm response.

somehow, he preferred the yelling and the tears and the breaking instead of this uncomfortable silence and the pretentious conversations. at least when phil was screaming at him, dan knew that he was bothered, that he loved him, that he cared. this vicarious persona however, was breaking dan's heart in the worst way possible.

"i'm really sorry," dan blurted all of a sudden, watching as phil stopped his movements for a minute before resuming his work, as if he didn't hear the broken words slipping past dan lips.

"i don't care," phil muttered ignorantly, squeezing his eyes shut and pursing his lips as he tried to control his breathing. he had been trying to be as passive as possible in the past few hours; their irrelevant relationship was already bothering their son, phil didn't want to bother his mother as well.

i don't care, the words seemed to have knocked the breath entirely out of dan. he wasn't sure what they meant, whatever phil has said in the past five minutes-which were only two sentences-made dan's mind even more chaotic.

"y-you don't?" dan asked, not sure if it even was an answerable question, but phil just shrugged his shoulders as if he wasn't bothered.

"it's obvious that you love someone else so i have no idea why you are even bothering with-"

"don't say that," dan whimpered, pulling the sleeves of his jumper over his hands and fisting the material harshly, his cheeks flushed with hurt and his eyes dropping shut as if he did not want to face the situation.

"why shouldn't i?" phil raised his voice just a little. "you slept with him even after i told you i-" phil paused, taking a deep breath to stop himself from crying again.

"i always knew you liked him more than me, you anyways preferred to spend more time with him, and now you have also portrayed your love for him by fucking him so-"

"no i haven't!" dan yells, a few tears slipping down his cheeks as he struggles to speak through the lump in his throat. "i have always loved you! only you, you, i, i have never chosen chris over you, you're my, i'm,"

"give me one reason why i should believe that," phil's face is painted with an angry expression, the hurt caged inside his heart has started to seep out in venomous words and right now, he pays no attention as to how he is affecting dan. somewhere between the betrayal and the self consuming anger, he doesn't care about him.

"i-i don't know what to say, but i-i love you and whatever that happened was a mistake i promise," dan explains in unstructured sentences. "he, you-he's no comparison to you, i just, he told me that you're cheating on me and i was drunk and his friend," dan can't even complete his statement before he breaks down pathetically, sobs interrupting his words and phil just pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to block out the sight.

he knows he will let his guard down and forgive dan if he watches him like that, and a small foolish part of him even wants to do that. but he knows that even if he forgives dan right now, they will never be the same, there is no point in continuing a failing relationship.

"please phil, i can't live without you," dan chokes finally, slipping down to the floor and tangling his fingers in his hair, trying to desperately calm himself down before he has a panic attack. his breathing is irregular and harsh, and even though phil is impossibly mad at him, he is also impossibly in love with him, which causes him to push his hair off his forehead in frustration and grabbing a glass of water.

he walks over to dan hesitantly, crouching down and holding out the glass to the sobbing mess of a man in front of him, and dan wipes at his cheeks in a failed attempt before his shaky fingers try and grip the glass. of course, it doesn't work, and instead of taking it from phil he simply pushes it away, knowing that there was no way his fingers will cooperate with him at this point.

phil sighs once again, watching as dan's fidgety fingers fail at taking the glass, and after a few seconds, he gives in, putting his hand on the back of dan's head softly and pressing the rim of the glass against his bitten lips. dan just looks at him with wide eyes, panic only increasing at the close proximity and he chokes on the water, coughing and pulling away from the glass.

"it's okay, calm down, look at me," phil reaches up and pushes dan's messy hair off his damp forehead, the palm of his hand involuntarily cupping dan's cheek and his other hand pressing the glass to dan's lips again, who this time tries to regulate his breathing, slowly drinking the cold liquid and letting it calm down his nerves.

"you okay?" phil can't help himself but run his fingers through the front of dan's hair again, heart breaking at the sight of his tear stained pink cheeks and the dullness of his eyes as dan looked up at him, hesitantly nodding.

"thank you," dan mumbled quietly, taking the glass from phil in both his hands and phil just stared at him for moment before getting off the floor and walking back to the kitchen counter, and pressing his hands flat against the granite countertop.

he's afraid he loves dan too much to let him go.

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literally 64% of u were like "omg bTs !!!!!" and the other 36% were like "are u fuvking kidding me wtf" in my last chapter so thanks for that

also
are u proud of me for updating 3 times this week