Dear Josh..
My body is slowly becoming a skeleton. I tried to eat, I really did Josh, but it came straight back up. It's like a living hell. I feel hungry but I can't eat. I'm so tired and deprived of my sleep but as soon as my eyes close I'm awoken by a nightmare.
This is all a daily cycle now. Sam has brought himself back to reality a bit and makes me some food every morning to try and get some down me but every morning I vomit it back up.
Since Nicholas' little appearence, so many things have added to the list of reasons why I need you:
You're my rock
You're always there for me in whatever situation
You always keep me amused and entertained
You keep me sane
You protect me
That last one Josh. 'You protect me'. That is the most important one at this moment in my life. Without you I'm weak. I'm like a baby without it's mother, a lost puppy, I just can't make it in life with someone to protect me. You, Josh. You to protect me.
I feel so insecure and aggitated. As if anyone or anything could come through that door right now and I wouldn't be able to do anything. I wouldn't though. I wouldn't be able to do anything. That is my fear, which brings me back to Nicholas. What if he came to my door now? What if I opened the door and before I knew it he had kissed me? Touched me? Who knows?
All I can think of now is how afraid I am. I need my rock, my wise old man, you.
Love Jen
