Dear Josh,
I opened your journel slowly revealing page after page of writing. The beginning ones were just documenting times that we went out together or days that you were at work.
As I read on further I discovered more and more into what your thoughts were. About everything that even crossed your mind. I was shocked, scared and so confused Josh.
This page inparticular was one of the most confusing, upsetting and distressing. I don't understand Josh.
"Dear Diary,
Jen has gone to stay with her mum for a while in Kentucky whilest I worked for a while over here in LA. Sometimes I feel as if she is going away on purpose. To leave me. To get away from my presence.
She always says that 'she loves me' but is it real? I know I can trust Jen. It's not that. I just can't trust myself. I can't believe anything that I think. Everything just seems to get messed up in my mind.
Jen says she loves me but she keeps leaving. This means that she doesn't love me. If she loved me she would be here. If she was here then she would love me. She keeps going away. She doesn't love me. She doesn't care about me. She doesn't want to be with me. She doesnt want to be near me. She doesn't want to even know me.
Being alone lets my mind run free. It lets every thought from every part of my brain be thought about. It lets me process it all. Then over think it all. Then what?
Another week alone. Another week to think alone.
Josh."
What? Why didn't you tell me? This was only a week before I came home and a week before you died.
It could have been prevented. You could be here now. We could be happy.
I wouldn't have to write these letters.
We would be happy.
Love Jen
{I'm really sorry I haven't updated in a while and I'm really sorry that this is the worst update yet but this was all I could come up with so yeah, I hope you like it anyway!}
