{Authors note: I might bot be able to update everyday now that I've gone back to school but I'll do my best!}
Dear Josh..
I thought I was dead. I thought it was all over and I didn't have to suffer anymore. I thought I could be with you. No.
I awoke, head pounding, limbs aking and I was back in hospital. Great. I looked around expecting to see Sam somewhere but I was alone. Just me, this stupid bleeping machine and myself. Maybe I am in heaven? Maybe you have just gone to the toilet? Maybe you'll be here any second?
Nothing. I force myself to a sitting position. My back is painful and I feel as if I can't move my leg without an intense feeling as if someone was stabbing me in my knee.
I began to pull out the many tubes so I was able to wounder around. The machine immediatly began to bleep and I knew there would soon be doctors appearing at the door to check if I was dead of something. I wish.
What? Did I just say that? I wish I was dead? I was so shocked in myself but deep down I knew that I did. I did want to be dead. I wanted to be dead so that I could be with you Josh. But how? How could I die? What about my family? My friends? But I want to be with you. But my family. But my friends. But this. But that. I was driving myself to insanity. What if I did? What if I did drive myself to insanity? What would happen then?
I was curled up in a ball in the corner rocking back and forth. What if..
Love Jen
