Dear Josh..
My notes to you are starting to puddle around me now. I seal each one with selotape and a kiss and then add it to the circle around me.
Sam went out today. To see some of his family I presume. I stayed in the corner for a while. I stared into space. I just sat there. Then something caught my eye. The key. The key to my room. Our room. I brought myself to a standing position. My knees cracked and my arms were stiff.
I retrieved the key and admired it's shine and beauty for a moment. So much could be done with such a small, simple object. I ran its smooth edge along my wrist. The sharper points grazed my skin slightly. No pain. I pushed a little harder. Blood. Still no pain. I wanted to feel a pain to distract me from my heartache. The blood ran thick and red from the little slice.
My wrist was soon full of small cuts. No! What was I doing Josh? Wishing my life away like that.
I tiptoed over to the door and pushed the blood covered key into the hole. I gently turned the key locking the door. I was finally alone. No-one could get to me. Nothing could get to me. I was alone.
I placed my wrist in a towel that I found under our bed. I tend to switch between wanting to kill myself, completly zoning out and then normal Jen. The Jen who is comfortable in her body. The Jen who wants to live ever day to it's fullest. That's what stops me. But if it didn't then what? Would I be dead? Would I be insane? Would I be with you?
Please forgive me Josh. You would understand my heart ache?
Love Jen
{Sorry I'm skipping so many days. I want to get further so that I can add more drama! I don't want to add it to an earlier chapter because there won't be any for later letters! Hope you're enjoying it so far!}
