SALVATION [gif imagines]

Dean Winchester {3}

It had been three months. Three months since you died in Dean's arms. Three months since Dean couldn't save you. To say that he was blaming himself was the understatement of the year. For three months straight he had been drinking and beating himself up. Sam had tried to help him, but Dean just pushed him away.

You had been watching Dean beat himself up for two months. It took you one month alone to find him, and when you found him, he was drunk off his ass laying on the bathroom floor in a motel room. He was crying and begging to God to get you back. You thought that this was the worst state you had ever seen your boyfriend been in, but it got worse from that point.

You tried to show yourself, to show Dean that you were there, that he still had someone who cared about him except Sam. But, you hadn't gotten there yet, you were too weak. And, watching your boyfriend tear himself apart was making you even weaker.

Today was one of the bad days. Dean was shitfaced drunk and bailing his eyes out on the bathroom floor in the bunker. Seeing him so weak and fragile broke your heart in so many more pieces. You sunk down on your knees next to your boyfriend. Putting your arms around him did nothing because they just sunk right through him. This caused your own set of  tears to escape your eyes.

Dean had been asleep for a few hours now. He was laying in an uncomfortable position on the bathroom tiles. You had tried several to no use to wake him up and to stroke his hair. You heaved a heavy sigh and rubbed your face. You missed him. You missed the way he would look at you, you missed the way he would kiss you and you just missed him, so so much.

Dean stirred on the floor, and slowly woke up. His hair was sticking out all over and you smiled to yourself at how beautiful he was. The tears was yet again forming in your eyes. He blinked several times to try to focus on the room around him. He looked around until his eyes suddenly landed on you. You breath got caught in your throat. He couldn't see you. Could he? But you knew you were lying to yourself, his eyes was telling a different story. His eyes were watering and his voice was quivering.

"Y/N? Is that-I-How? I thought you were dead. I? Baby?"

"Hi Dean."

"You're-I-Oh my god." He cried while proceeding to pull you into a hug, but you pulled away. "Dean, honey. I'm not really here."

"What do you mean? You're here. You can't-I-you're a ghost." The realization was rushing down on him like a bucket of cold water.

"Yeah, yeah I am." The tears were staining your cheeks. Dean's cheeks were wet too.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry. You should have saved you, I should have stopped that demon. I should have saved you!" He cried.

"Hey hey! Dean, Dean look at me! Look at me! I love you, okay? I can't and I will never stop loving you. No matter what. And, I know you're hurting, trust me I feel the same way. And-and I will never f-forget you. Because you're the love of my life. But, you need to let me go Dean. I can't stop you from living your life or from meeting other women. You can't keep beating yourself up for what happened. You need to take care of yourself and you need to be with Sam and you need to get out and love your life!" At this point you were a sobbing mess, probably worse than Dean on his worst days.

"I know I need to, but I can't. I can't Y/N not without you! We were supposed to get married, have kids and live that apple pie life together baby."

"You still have that chance Dean. You still have a shot at the apple pie life! Please just do this. For me Dean! Start living your life! Meet a girl and settle down! Please. Just see it as my dying wish baby."

"I don't think I can do it."

"You can and I know it Dean." You cried at him and smiled through the tears. Oh, you wished you could touch him, kiss him or just kiss him. You felt yourself beginning to vanish and this caused you to cry more. You smiled at your boyfriend and raised your hand to caress his face. Dean felt a light and cold breeze fan over his cheek.

"I love you Dean."

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I actually cried while writing this