Personification

Rape

When I crawl into my bed at night and shiver,
It's because I am thinking of everything you did.

The way your hands were all over me,
As I laid there frozen looking to the ceiling that seemed to suffocate me.
The way you looked at me with such greed,
Like I was a toy you wanted for a second at the shop but left discarded as soon as you were done.

I lay awake frozen on my bed every night,
Because I can't bare the thought of closing my eyes,
In case you come back in my head,
And I feel everything all over again.

The violation,
The hurt,
When my stomach twisted like it was going to come out my throat,
When my heart hammered so hard I could feel it even when my soul left my body.

It was like I was a zombie,
I wasn't in control of myself just watching myself as I lay helpless on the sheets.
And the bruises were painful to touch,
From the brutality of the crush.

I felt my heart sink deep into my body,
And flow around with my blood,
It wasn't like a break because a break, a shatter you feel for just a minute,
But my heart had completely melted and gone away as I felt an intolerable ache where it used to be.

I never thought it would happen to me,
Because I always thought I would fight off anyone who came near me,
But when he approached me I felt physically sick,
So much so I couldn't even cry for help.

And now I still can't even cry,
Because my eyes still hurt from everything I saw that I shouldn't have,
And the only water that filled my eyes,
Was when I tried to wash them to erase the memories hours after he left, when I could finally move again.

And the shower after shower,
Wash after wash,
No amount of body lotion or perfume could cover up the memory of his smell on my weakened, scarred skin,
And no amount of head-hitting or skin-cutting or hair-pulling could amount to the pain he caused me, but I still tried anyway, to get the hurt out of my mind.

For maybe then I could forget about how he abused my body in such a way I was no longer in it anymore.

*****Disclaimer: I was inspired to write this through 13 Reasons Why, I have not 1st hand experienced such a devastating issue but felt so inspired by this recently released TV series I had to write about this topic.