Changez

•18•

"You were the yin to my yang, the right to my wrong, the sugar to my kool-aid... I'm trying to figure out why God took you from me so soon; we had so much planned for when you got back. We were going to go shopping, get matching tattoos, you even planned to bring me up on stage with you at your first solo concert. Damn... I'm really at a lost for words. Laying in that casket, is a beautiful, vibrant, young, bundle of excitement that ain't supposed to be there. It could've been anyone, why it had to be you, Lisa? Your smile... I'm gonna miss that. Your voice... I'm gonna miss that. Your music will be eternal but I'd rather hear you next to me, annoying me with your rapping. I...I love you, Lisa. The world lost the cute rapping girl from TLC, but I lost my best friend...my sister. God gained one hell of a angel and I just want him to give you back." I broke down.

I tried, y'all.

I tried to be strong. For as long as I could, I held it down for Pac, Chili, and T-boz, but in the end, Lisa was my fuckin girl!

Lord knows I wanted to say more, but words couldn't even begin to express how I felt.

Tupac became really... how can I put this? Depressed. He stopped eating, he didn't say much, he just plunged his head into that little notebook of his and burned through that paper with his pen. I had no idea what was going through my man's mind but I knew I was no longer dealing with who I met.

Burial was quiet. To think this was the last time we'd see our precious Lisa, it was nerve racking.

What I'd do for just one more conversation with her, I know we said it more than a married couple, but I just wanted to once more tell her "I love you, girl."

***

My heart was heavy. Things ain't been the same since Lisa left us. My world was half empty.

Tupac..? I don't even wanna talk about him.

He shaved his head, bald and his mouth became a serious problem. Everyone in the industry was slowly turning against him because of his new attitude.

The humble guy that I fell for was now this cold and angry thug that stood up for what he believed in in the harshest way.

This fool done pulled out a gun on niggas over me about 100 times; that may flatter some broads, but it scared me. Y'all know what they say, you keep pullin shit out on folks, one day someone gonna be quicker and pull it out on you. Shit don't feel good in reverse.

I walked into the studio where Pac angrily rapped into the mic. It seem like he hasn't taken a breath since he started.

"Hey, Suge." I walked over to where he sat and took the seat next to him.

"Wassup, Monika, this nigga sounding a little off to you?" He raised a eyebrow at Pac.

"Yeah... tell him to exhale." I rubbed my temple.

Suge stopped the music and held down the button to speak through the booth.

"Breathe, nigga. We gon take it back, and you gonna take all that bass out your voice and calm the fuck down. You ain't at a rap battle." Suge tore Pac a new one.

Pac looked at me and raised his upper lip as if I did something.

"What the hell is his problem?" I asked Suge.

"Fuck if I know, he still trippin over that bitch death. We all lose people, he need to get the fuck over it and make his coins." He shrugged.

"Aye man, what the fuck you just said?" Pac snatched off his headphones.

"Nigga, now I know you ain't deaf... ever since yo cousin, that little cockeyed bitch, died you been trippin. Sounding like a damn pit bull on the tracks and shit, she ain't here no more, Pac. Get the stick out ya ass and put that energy into your music and be great." Suge responded.