Only Bad Girls Get Good Grades

If I Ever let you down, I'm Sorry.

It's annoying how you can try and try Again, but never succeed.

Well granted, it is trying to die, but still, for the last three weeks, I've tried everything. I don't know how else to succeed. I just can't do anything right. i even did research. I mean what if someone opened up my recent search history on google? would not end well.

After everyone walked out, I went back to sleep to get rid of my loopy state.

Once I awoke from my dazed state, my mind was clear and full of the memory. My memory of last night.

Sat on my bed, I held the pills in my trembling, cut up hand. I had just gotten beaten by my father, called worthless, a failure,

But the worst was that they wished they had an abortion on me and Noah. They wished I was in the car with him. I knew they never loved me. I'll never get to feel that satisfaction of having parental approval. Hell, I'll never even get to say my parents cared, will I?

That may be all I'll be remembered for. That kid that lost her older brother and wasn't cared for.

I should be dead. Then they can have their happy family. The perfect boy and girl pair, then maybe they could be happy. Josh could be happy, Hannah could be happy, mom and dad could be happy.

Gerard could find happiness. He could find someone his own age. He could find someone not as fucked up as me.

I pop in the pills, 5 of them, to be exact. That's more than enough, right?

I take a large sip of the cheap but strong vodka that I bought from an unknown man, probably thought I was just a teenager with some friends, drinking and having a good time. Little did he know that was my magical death elixir.

I drink Giant gulps, washing down the sting with non-regretful tears.

After a while, the pain subsides to the numbest of feeling and I know that death is drawing near. Sitting in my own bed, in my own room.

And the thing I would have never expected happens. I swear that before me was the body of Noah Jackson. My best friend. My brother.

"What have you done RissyPrissy?" He sits on the bed next to me and slings an arm around my bruised shoulder. "Do they hurt you?" He asks nervously.

I nod.

"Oh baby, it's okay. But I don't want you here with me, I really don't. I know it seems like you should be, but you're not right in the head right now."

"I need to be with you Noah. I need to. I can't stand this shit hole of a place anymore."

"You have so much to live for. Think about Gerard." I look at him confused.

"How do you know of him?"

"Well first off, I've had him for a class, and two, I'm a fucking ghost. I know everything"

"Your just my conscience forming itself into something I will actually listen to."

"Well whatever I am, I'm stopping you. Don't do it, okay?" I look into his eyes, tearing up.

"Okay" I don't like lying. But I did it anyway.

"No, you pinky promise me. We don't break pinky promises" oh great. This really does mean I cant do anything. I hook my pinky with his reluctantly.

"Well I bid you farewell, my dear. I best be gone. They're waiting to see you"

And it was some sort of freaky inception shit, I'm telling you.

"Ahh I see you're awake. Do you know where or whom you are dear?" A man In dark Blue scrubs and a white doctors coat shines a light in my eyes, switching it to the other eye every other second. He then stands straight and pushes a button for me to sit up a little.