Only Bad Girls Get Good Grades

What I want to save I will kill

(Fairly local-twenty one pilots. Tell me if I screwed something up comment on it or whatever)

I wake up, my eyes crusty from tears shed. I rub them softly, sitting up and looking around. Fuck did that really happen last night? Sitting up, I rest my elbows on my knees and bite on my thumb finger nails nervously.

Fuck, why am I so sensitive to shit like this?

I stand quietly, doing my best to sneak by everyone on the moving bus. When did we leave? Hm, strange. I walk as quietly as I can, making it to the kitchen.

Okay, let's get some cereal. No wait, a bagel because this shit is on the move. I pick out a bagel from the fridge and set it on the small counter with a paper towel. This thing is pretty small but it's more spacey then you'd think.

I pick up some butter and butter it, then sit down at the booth in the end of the kitchen. I eat a little bit, starting to feel the lurching feeling from before.

Goddammit why am I such a fucking pussy. Will I ever get over this? Will the darkness ever end?

Fuck myself. I hate my own skin. I hate my own brain. I hate my own soul.

I continue to sit dazed, picking at the bagel.

"Ris are you okay?" I hear a jersey voice say. I jump and look over, seeing mister black haired beauty Himself. I nod softly. He hesitates before sitting beside me, gently and carefully wrapping an arm around my waist. I feel soft lips press against my forehead. "I'm sorry about last night, Clarissa. I know I fucked up. " I sigh softy.

"I-it's okay. " my head falls into his shoulder softly, just wanting the comfort and warmth oozing from his body.

"No it isn't. I'm really so sorry Ris. How about when we hit a gas station we find somewhere we can walk to to eat privately?" He asks softly.

I nod again. "I'd like that a lot Gee."I look up and kiss his cheek softly "I love you"

"I love you too." He smiles, squeezing me a bit. We sit there silently for a while, just feeling at peace. Who knew that would be the eye of the storm.

•••

I jump out of the tour bus, stretching. "God it feels good to be free" I say, my arms up in the air and my back bending a bit. LynZ laughs at me a bit. "It's only been a day, Clarissa."

"Hey, I've gotta get used to this. I'm new to the whole touring thing." She smiles, her red lips stretching into a sweet smile towards me.

"This is gonna be a rough ride for you." She laughs again, looking down at her waistline. She stretches her pants out a bit, pulling out two cigarettes. Did she seriously just pull cigarettes from her panty line? How is this woman so bad ass? She points one of them towards me.

"Want one?" my mind thinks it over, knowing it probably wasn't the best idea, but I subconsciously nod.

"Sure, thanks" I smile, taking it in between my fingers. She bends over and pulls a lighter from her boot, lighting it and handing it to me. I slowly take a large, burning breath of the burning smoke. You've been missed you burning ecstasy.

I sigh in content, smiling softly as I lean against the bus smoking my cigarette.

"So, I hear your a damn good artist. I'd love to see some of your pieces sometime" she says, now leaning with me, her right leg crossing over the left. My eyes widen with lazed shock, blowing smoke from my nose.

"Wow, I haven't painted or anything in a really long time." I smile softly, a small bit of sadness clearly mixed into it.

"Well you should get back into it again, I mean I can tell you're stressed from a mile away. It could help" she smile reassuringly, her ruby red lips spreading wide. I almost wish Gerard would dump me for her perfection. God everyone is a better girlfriend than I am. I'm pretty shit at it.

"I might" I smile softly "thanks"

"No problem." She takes a large puff, speaking the smoke out "so do you play anything?" I look away, my head flashing back to when I was in middle school and my early high school years. I was a bit of a band geek then and I played the trombone. I loved it but I was bullied for it. Noah always made sure I never quit but once he died I lost my will to do anything, so I quit playing everything. I quit singing, playing trombone, and even for a short while, art. I guess I've done it again, haven't I? Will I ever stop lying in my own fucking self pity?

"Clarissa? Are you okay?" She calls out, looking concerned. I quickly shake my thoughts away, gluing on a soft smile as I nod.

"I just got lost in my thoughts is all" I stub out the cigarette, smirking blandly. "And no, I don't play anything." I stare out away from all that going on around the two of us, looking back at the road. She nods softly, seeming a bit nervous now from my mood change.

"You ready for our mini date Clarissa Jackson?" Gerard walks to us from the gas station with a teddy bear that says "You're Beary amazing" on its stomach. I smile at him warmly, taking the bear from him and hugging it to me. I barely see LynZ go, too distracted by Gerard.

"Well now that I have this bear, I don't need you anymore" I fake, turning my back to him and hugging it tightly. In a rush I feel him wrap his arms around my waist and his lips rest over my ear, the warm breaths he releases sending a blush to my face.

"Is that so?" He whispers sending a chill down my spine. I turn my head and kiss him softly. He chuckles. "Doesn't seem like it"

I blush bright red, smirking shyly at his seductive tone. Moving away from him, I act as if nothing happened by changing the subject "So, lunch?"

"Most definitely Madame" he smiles his wonderful, lopsided smile that always melts my heart.

"Where to?"

"Well, there's this wonderful French restaurant called Madeline that I've heard is like a few blocks down. Since the drivers want to take a long nap, we can go there and get some lunch, then maybe find something fun to do. How does that sound?" I instantly nod, my mind wondering back to Jack and Mary. Maybe we can be like those couples, no matter how strange our story is.

I definitely love him, I've known that for a while now. I just don't want to end up his regret. I'm always someone's regret, My parents, My boyfriends. Hell, I'm fucking Ashton's regret, son of a bitch. I just want one person that doesn't regret joining my life in some way.

He kisses my lips softly, pulling me from my worrisome thoughts. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I think I'm alright" I smile and kiss him again.

Thinking back, I wish I realized that I truly should have meant those words, because what was about to come was vile and anger filled. I wish I had known before it happened, like as we walked on across the street and towards the wonderful restaurant he had found for us.