Only Bad Girls Get Good Grades

I Long For That Feeling To Not Feel At All

When I woke up, I first noticed a slut.

Thats right, my nurse is the lollipop bitch, and damn did she suck at nursing. She was repeatedly poking me accidently with an IV, it seeming to be filled with some sort of clear liquid. She also seemed to need to put a blood needle. She was still looking at Gerard flirtatiously, and Apparently Frank, Ray, Freddy, and Josh got here recently. I glare at the hoe who is repeatedly poking my arm, causing me pain. She just watches gerard, only half assing her actual job.

Next thing I know, I hear a large sigh and Then Frank straight up kisses Gerard. Gerard, taken by surprise, just kinda freezes, though the lollipop bitch couldn't see that. She looked appalled, which truthfully made me feel better.She quietly groans angrily, then finishes up with the IV and the blood thing. She storms out right after, which is gerard's cue to ask "What the literal fuck was that, Frank."

Frank shrugs."Well, that nurse was eye raping you and Ris obviously didn't like it. So I did what had to be done. and by the way, you are a great kiss." He says with a wink. I don't know how, but he made me giggle. And that made them all look at me with shocka and joy riddling their faces. I understood why completely, It even shocked me. I hadn't felt anything but sadness over the past few days. Pure sadness that burned within my body.

"Ris? Did you just laugh?" Freddy asks slowly, looking confused. I nod slowly, still in shock. "Oh my god, you did."

Well that seemed to be the highlight of his day.

~~~~~

Later that day, I kind of went back into my shell. It was like I was there, but at the same time I wasn't. They were keeping me in the hospital to keep me hooked to an IV, and they said I had to talk to some officer people, to see if I'm pressing charges and things like that. They also are reporting to the school of my. . .situation. . .and are going to get my work and things. I'm suggested to do school at home for a while to "recover". I was going to graduate early anyway, as the semester ended when winter break was, so I'll probably only have to go for a few finals. I don't understand why, but I'm scared to go back to school. So many people, so many different thoughts that could be going through so many brains. So many possible terrible thoughts, running through so many minds. It scares me. This world has seven billion people, there must be millions of terrible people thinking terrible thoughts.

That's what caused my sudden downfall again.

And that's why I'm now crying again.

Such a fucking coward I am. I can't even leave the house without crying. I am no strong person. I'm disgustingly weak, just this meek little thing that can't survive past what life throws at me. I might as well be nonexistent.

I don't deserve anyone, I deserve to wither and rot on my own, becoming a pool of nothingness that no one will notice is gone. I deserve the pain of payment.

I don't deserve the people I have, even though they're all at the food court right now. Maybe I could just sneak away, sneak from the hospital and jump off a cliff so I won't hurt them any more.

I deserved what Ashton gave me, I'm such a little whore anyways. Just a little fucking slut living for men's pleasure. That's all I'll ever be. A disgusting, disease ridden slut.

Tears stream down my face like sleet, sobs choking out like thunder.

I faintly hear the door open and suddenly I'm engulfed into a body. I shove away from it, the sudden touch scaring me and almost burning me. In realization that it's Gerard, I turn and claw at his shirt, tugging him as close as possible to my body. He wraps his arms around me gently, like if he moved any faster I would shatter and be unfixable.