Only Bad Girls Get Good Grades

You Can't Save Her No More

In three weeks time, I'm finally able to leave the house by myself again fully. I clutch the phone to my chest as I dare to walk into a coffee shop by myself, I was meeting Freddy here. Gerard was at a meeting with Frank, Ray, and Mikey, talking about their next tour, to which I might be joining in. It depends, they want me To go, mostly Frank does. Frank is really angry at himself for going on Tour and letting me stay with my father again. For some reason, he blames himself. I am the only one to blame. I'm foolish for ever going in that house again. A terrible fool.

I step out of the chilly airs into the slightly heated bakery, smelling the scents of pies and cookies. I walk to the counter, seeing a kind looking woman standing behind the counter with a heart warming smile on her face.

"Hi sweetie, what can I get for you." Even talking to this small frail woman, I feel a strong fear boiling in the pit of my stomach.

"Um. . . Just two coffees please, mam. Just put some cream in one of them" I set down a 10 dollar bill.

"Alrighty, take this and set it on the table you pick." I take the plastic sign that says ten and go to the corner of the coffee shop, sitting in the red booth.

I sit and wait for the coffees and Freddy, hoping he'll hurry so I won't be alone.

Soon the door chimes from the little bell being hit. A mess of spiked green hair runs to the back of the shop, a small smile on his face. He sets himself in the chair across from me silently, the loud, irritating sound of the chair scratching across the ground ringing between us instead. Once he gets sat in his seat and finds where he's comfortable he speaks.

"Hey, Ris. How are you today?" I nod for an unknown reason.

"I'm. . .okay."

"You're always 'okay'."he uses his fingers to emphasize the okay. "I know you well enough to know okay doesn't mean okay. Now I'll repeat It again. How are you today, Ris?" I look into his eyes in annoyance, before sighing.

"I'm doing better than before physically."

"But not mentally."

"No, not mentally. Mentally I'm a fucking train wreck." The kind woman walks up with a tray holding a bowl of creamers and sugar next to two steaming cups of coffee. She sets it down next to a receipt wrapping around a couple dollars and coins of change. I nod at her in gratitude and take the cup closest to me. I make it the way I normally do then take a large sip, the soothing warmth rolling down my beaten and torn throat.

"Aren't we all, Clarissa?" He says, taking a sip of the coffee. Black, just like his heavy alloid music. (Aka- metal) I roll my eyes at his reply.

"Oh please, I don't need your pity." I say sarcastically, drinking another large gulp. I haven't really been the life of the party in a while, with the depression and all.

"Now seriously, is there anything I can do to help you, Ris?" He sets the cup down as he says the words, proving the fact that he is serious. I falsely smile a small, manageable smile and shake my head.

"I'm getting better, Freddy, I promise. I'm not as bad as before and I don't plan on going back to the hospital any time soon. I'm fi-" I hear a beeping kind of ring from below the table as Freddy reaches down saying hold that thought. He answers the invisible third guests shrill rings, taking its request to speak to him and only him, making me the present, but unimportant, third wheel.

His call consisted of mms and uh huhs then a sudden closing of the flip phone with a goodbye. He turns to me with a look of apology and I already know where this is going. A feeling of hurt shoots through me knowing that there's somewhere far more important to be than in this café with me but I am quick to choke it down. Again, I smile at him, falsely assuring him I'm okay.