Only Bad Girls Get Good Grades

Cause You Let Her Go (2/3)

(Enhanced experience=listen to song)

.:3rd:.

"CLARISSA!!!" Gerard screams as his heart drops to his stomach and his feet move on their own. He moves so fast that he's at the railing as she falls from it.

I'll dive and save her, she can't die on me. If I die saving her then it's okay, This is all my fault anyway.

He pushes at the railing and tries to jump over it with everything he has left so he can try and save her, but Mikey, Ray, and Frank all tug him back to safety, just as Clarissa slams into the water.

He's as still as stone, barely even breathing as he grips the edge of the railing with the widest of eyes and watch in hopes of seeing her come up.

Please come back, don't die on me. Please don't leave me. I'm so sorry Clarissa I love only you. I'm sorry for ever doing anything to harm you.

Gerard can barely even see from the tears welling in his eyes and the blinding rage in his mind as he tries yet again to tug free, yelling in an angered, panicking voice. "LET ME GO GOD DAMNIT!! I CAN STILL SAVE HER!!"

There's red and blue lights now, as well as the sirens that always accompany them. The black suited men all climb out of the car but he continues screaming in he's rampage. "FUCKING LET ME GO!!!"

"GERARD!! IT'S TOO LATE NOW! THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO!!" Frank yells, shoving Gerard's shaking frame against the beam that she was barely leaning on just moments ago. This was about the time when Clarissa was bobbing up for air and falling back into her own abyss of frozen pain, though they wouldn't have noticed because she was under the bridge.

"There's nothing...we could do."

Frank's grip weakens as he says this, him looking to the ground. He always saw Clarissa as his little sister, he couldn't just see her as his niece. So it felt like a big brother losing his little sister, one he watched grow up. The only thought through his mind was "How could I let this happen again." And "How could I have not seen this coming?"

Ray, on the other hand, was explaining to the police exactly what had happened with Mikey(whom had tears streaming down his face), remaining as calm as he could. He didn't know what to think, so he stopped thinking all together. He knew that he would have to process it eventually, so he chose to do it later, in a time when he was at least alone. Ray was a much weaker person than most had realized, just from the fact that he hid his emotions until he wasn't with anyone.

Gerard shakily takes a small breath and let out a weak, vulnerable sob. "It's my f-fault."  He slowly sinks to the ground, sobbing and crying out "It's my fault, TAKE ME INSTEAD! Bring her Back GOD DAMN IT! SHE DOESN'T DESERVE TO DIE!" Gerard grips his hair it anguish, screaming as all the other three can do is watch sadly. They can't even go near him, fearing if they touch him he'll break into two.

Gerard just sobs even worse. He's never cried like this before, he had never felt pain like this before. It was an incurable, painful mix of A heart wrenching guilt and the feeling of losing what you love so dearly.

"I tried!! I tried!!" He screams painfully, knowing that this is the pain of payment. This was the pain he deserved. 

"O-one more night...please..."he whimpers weakly with his slowly weakening sobs, him sitting so he can watch out into the ever flowing river.

By now they had found her body and they had pulled it out of the rough waters, her skin was a sickly white with a blue tint underneath. Her lips were ice cold and purple. There was cold water leaking from her slightly open mouth in a small stream. Her face looked pained and sad, an unknown agony still resonating post mortem. They called her time of death, knowing there was nothing else they could do to possibly revive the poor girl. She had been long gone for a good 10 minutes now, though it hadn't felt that long.

"I'm sorry sir, but we're gonna have to ask you a few questions." The officer looked surprisingly sympathetic as he kneeled to Gerard's level. "I know it's hard, but it has to be done sir. I hope you understand. We waited to speak to you for as long as we could." Gerard shakily nods, barely able to speak as he stares at the ground with a spaced out look and red swollen eyes.

The officer nodded and continued to his questions.

"What was your relation to Clarissa Jackson?" He takes a shaky breath, a guilty look in his eyes.

"B-boyfriend" he replies shakily.

The officer nods and writes a note then continues. "Can you tell us what exactly happened?" Gerard whimpers softly, beginning to cry weakly into his arms.

"I-I h-had cheated on her a-and she caught me. S-she was ra-raped a c-couple of months ago and she was so unstable and I did that to her and she blamed herself and s-she ran away. W-we had spent so long to find her and then reason with her but in the end s-she . . .s-sh-she. . ." Gerard was hyperventilating, feeling like this was some sort of horrible nightmare that he was cursed to so he could atone for his sins.

"I-it's okay, you don't need to finish that sentence. I've got enough information, you can go back to your hotel if you'd like to." He softly pats Gerard shoulder with sympathy and begins to stand but Gerard quickly grabs his sleeve, a pitiful look on his face.

"C-can I...c-can I see her?" The officer hesitates for a moment but reluctantly nods, helping the weaker man to his feet and leading him to her stained blue  corpse. When Gerard arrives to it, he drops to his knees in front of her, now unable to take his eyes away from her frozen open ones. Those once beautiful sparkling blue eyes that he would watch so closely, now dull and lifeless. starless. Left with the anguish she felt as she left this world. He shakily presses his lips to her ice-cold forehead in a gentle kiss and closes her eyes for her.

"I'm sorry, my love"

And with that he shakily stood, and he walked away. Though he never wanted to.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:

When they arrived at the hotel, the other two bands were up and waiting their return, begging to see her walk in with them. They had grown to love the girl, she was always kind to them and befriended them all very easily.

When they saw Gerard walk in shakily, his eyes wide in shock and fear, they already knew what had happened. They had known she was missing, and then they had known about the letter. They were all so hopeful that the small group would be able to save her, so seeing him like this had killed them.

Some of them began to cry, while others could only stand in shock. LynZ walked up to Gerard and gave him a gentle hug, him staying frozen and letting her cry into his shoulder. She felt no fear to touch him, she knew that he was in extreme pain right now and she just wanted to help him in any way she could.

Soon Gerard left to his room.

He gripped her note tightly as he wept in his room in the bed. He cried, alone without her by his side.

He wanted to die, it was so painful. He couldn't sleep at all, even though he just wanted to wake up and realize it was all a dream. To realize he hadn't cheated on his beloved Clarissa. To realize she was laying right beside him the whole time, his arms coiled around her protectively.

None of this would happen.

All he could do was toss back more alcohol and whimper out that he tried. He kept begging for one more night with her, though he knew it wasn't possible. There was nothing there anymore.

All of the regret, all of the anguish, all of the pain, fell out with his cries and his tears. He was left with a bitterly painful emptiness, unable to even move from the bed as he just lays and emptily cry.

It was a fate worse than death.

At least with death, you can go through a bit of pain then it's just darkness and serenity. Being the cause of a death was much worse. The pain, the sorrow, the regret, it would never go away. Not until the beholder of it had taken their last breath as well. But who knows when that would take place.