Only Bad Girls Get Good Grades

Theres Nothing I Can Say (sad ending 3/3 final)

(Much shorter than the other parts, but necessary to  put a cap on the death one{it's not very good either sadly} Next is main ending!!))

The funeral was 7 days later, and she barely looked like herself.

She died in sadness so that's how she is forever frozen. Her face stays with an unknown forlorn look that will eternally remain a mystery. The best they could do is give her some other color than blue as a skin tone and close her eyes and mouth.

Oh what I would give to see those beautiful eyes once more.

Her family was distraught, they mostly blamed me. I couldn't blame them for it, even I blamed myself. Freddy and James were there as well, a lot of people were there. Students that once knew her, Noah's friends who were sad to see the other Jackson they cared for die, and her parent's friends and family, them all looking at her mother in distain. Maybe it was with blame, for not being a good parent. Maybe it was disgust, for letting her daughter act that way and end up this way. Who would ever know.

I couldn't stand it.

There was someone I didn't expect to ever see here.

The man that raped her.

Ashton.

I had seen him only once, but I will never forget that fuckers face. He actually looked guilty more than anything. I don't think I should go anywhere near him.

I waited to be the last to see her, so the room would be clear of anyone and I could be alone.

When I reach her casket,I see her sorrowful frozen frame laying in a red velvet cushioned, walnut casket with a bouquet of roses resting on her chest and her hands rest at the bottom of the bouquet.

Within the bouquet, I see two guitar picks hidden and I chuckle weakly. That must've been Frank and Ray. I would've done the same thing if I were them.

I sigh and take out the white rose from my lapel, putting it in her hair to match the silky white dress she wore. Tears streak down my face, dripping down onto her silky white skin as I lean down and shakily kiss her forehead like I did on that terrible night.

"My beautiful Clarissa, I'm so sorry for what I've done to you." I whisper weakly. "I-I miss you more and more every day. I wish you would rise up and tell me it's all a lie. This is all my fault and I'm sorry. I love you so much" I stay there for a moment, just quietly crying.

When I finally have the stamina to, I take a deep breath and stand straight up, walking out of the viewing room and outside. I take deep breaths, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

"It's you're fault...but I'm sure you already now that, don't you?" Freddy sighs and leans against the wall. We're under a canopy, protecting us from the properly fitting rain.

"I knew that the moment I watched her fall, Freddy." My mouth acts as a chimney and my throat is its soot filled cavern as I let the pillars float out of my mouth while I talk.

"Are you planning to do something you'd regret?"

"What don't I regret already of my daily lifestyle. I'm a drugged up alcoholic that drove the only girl I've ever really loved to suicide. I regret every choice I've made. So what changes after that? I'm just gonna go back to routine, popping pills, drinking booze, and fucking up anything good I have." My hands are shaking slightly with the burning hatred I hold for myself.

"Then don't do anything that you will regret any longer. Fucking change, even if it's just in her name. She didn't deserve the bullshit you put her through, she didn't deserve the bullshit anyone put her through. But that doesn't matter now. All we have left to do is to live by her name. Let her be the reason you stop your bullshit self destruction. Stop loathing yourself and get better, because you damn well know that's what she's wanted for the entirety of the time she was on tour with you."  Freddy pants slightly once he's gotten the words out. "And God damn get a fucking haircut. You look like a train wreck."

Once he says it, he turns and walks to the door, entering and going up to James.

"At Least he's got a good head on his shoulders" I say, stubbing out the end of the cigarette and walking back inside.

It was terrible, carrying her to the hearse.

Frank, Ray, and I were on one side and Freddy, James, And Josh were on the other.

It was heavy sure, but that wasn't the hard part. The hard part was knowing that her face will never see the light of day ever again. It was about to go six feet under ground and stay there until she decays away completely, long after we're gone too.

Now it was the funeral.
When they put her under ground. Everyone was dropping roses onto the casket, where I dropped one more white rose. I had stopped and bought a bouquet to put there after her body was fully covered.

Her mother finally came up to me. She had been ignoring me for quite some time now.

"I wanted you to know, that even if I blame you, you shouldn't blame yourself. Do not cause the next death to be yours, I will never forgive you then." She walks away after that, her long black dress swaying behind her as she walks away from the last place she'll ever see her daughter again. I'm not sure I'll ever see that woman again, in fact I'm not sure I'll ever see any of the Jacksons after today.

The thing I'm having trouble with the most is what do I do from this point forward. I had a life planned out for her and I, though she may have not realized it. I loved her more than I've ever loved anything in this world. What do I do with my life.

I've never felt so hopeless.

My life ended with hers, so there's two choices for me.

To disperse and fade away from this world in the same way Clarissa did.

Or

To create another way to live, and just Carry on, even without her.

I guess I choose the latter, I can't just betray her mother like that.

I have to do it for her and for Clarissa.

I'll carry on.