Endless Darkness | harry styles *completed*

Chapter 32

Cally~

Is it weird that no butterflies have erupted as usual in my stomach? That I don't feel like I can love him more than life itself? Isn't that how we were? Of course we were. But why is it so different now? I know I still love him but that's only if I go deep down in my gut to find it.

"Are you okay?" He shakes me out of my thoughts. He's holding me in his arms and looking at me with concern. What am I supposed to say? Oh, yeah. I don't think I love you anymore, but I do.

"Yeah, I was just..thinking."

"Okay, well, you love me don't you?" Now this hurts. I can't look at him, let alone in to his eyes. That would just make me feel even more guilty.

"Of course I love you. That's why we got together, right?" It sounds like I'm lying but I hope that will just slip by him.

"I guess." He shrugs.

The part that I don't get is that I know that I love somebody. But, I just don't know who. I care for Niall, absolutely, but not in that way. I felt that with him before but that's just disappeared. Dissolved, even.

"So, school's almost over. What do you plan on doing?" I decide to change the topic to at least try and shift the tension between us.

"I don't know. I was thinking about going to community but my grades are pretty good this year so maybe I'll go to another. Maybe major in law?" He seems unprepared. Also, he doesn't seem like the type to be a lawyer. But I shouldn't be the one to judge, I don't even know what I want to be or what school I'm going to. I wonder what Harry's doing...

"That seems nice. Atleast you're more prepared than me." He twirls a piece of my hair in his finger. It still doesn't feel right, but I'm not going to do anything about it.

"I'm sure you'll be much more than prepared by the end of this semester. We have a whole new grading period after Spring Break too so that gives you even more time. And maybe I can help you."

"Yeah, sure." That seems very nice but also discomforting. At least I'll get some help. These are the times I wish my mom was still here. It seems as if my parents are still alcoholics.

"Well, I better get going. After all, it's late." He kisses me on the cheek and says goodbye before heading out the door.

Suddenly, I've lost my appetite. I throw away the left overs and go upstairs to my room. It's about eleven so I better sleep, even though it's a freaking friday.

I'm not planning on doing much today. Just hanging around the house, or possibly ask Niall to come over, but that's not a good idea. Maybe I could search colleges. That seems more productive than all of the other ideas so that's what I'll go for!

I head downstairs and go to the extra room containing a computer. This was the room that I worked on our history project in. Weird memories are flooding in to my mind but I'll push them to the back for now. At the moment, I need to check my grades and research colleges. Maybe, I'll apply for a few by the end of the day.

Five hours and two coffee cups later, I have looked at many different colleges all around the US. During this time, I decided I want to get a science degree. I've done very well in my previous and current science classes so that's the path I'm going on. Also, I love science. Cells, chemicals, any of that stuff. I love it.

I have applied to two colleges: University of North Carolina and Berkeley. I doubt I will get accepted in to Berkeley but maybe I'll get in to UNC. They have a nice science department there.

It's five right now and I haven't heard a thing from outside this door. Is Harry still asleep? I don't know how someone could do that. Noon is okay but five in the morning is not okay!

When I reach his bedroom, his bed is empty. His blankets are on the floor in a clustered mess and it smells of alcohol. Why would he be drinking? Yes, he does drink but the only times I have seen him drink are when he's angry or sad.

I search around the house for clues of his whereabouts but there's nothing. Not one thing. So where would he be?

A/N

QOTC/Hally or Carry😏

Sooo I'm sorry if I disappointed you by not updating for a week. I'm so sorry, I have no idea why.

20K READS!!!!! THIS IS SO FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!! xx<33

If i get comments and votes then I'll do a double update tonight! (Which are verrrry rare)