"I can't blame your Tita, anak." Mom started when we came home.
"It's not her fault, mom."
"I know!" She replied and sighed. "She's just a woman who fell in love with your dad."
"I'm okay with it. I mean, at least alam ko na kung anong klaseng lalake ang tatay ko."
"Are you still mad at him?"-Mom
"I'm more mad at this situation that we are into."
Hinawakan ako sa kamay ni mommy. Ngumiti ako at saka humiga sa couch. I made her lap as my pillow. We stayed quiet for a while.
What a day!
I checked the address that Ace gave me. It was Alexander's address. Wow. Ewan. Hindi ko na alam kung anong nafi-feel ko. I'm just, okay?
I don't know kung ano nang gagawin ni Tita after finding out that her fiancé is my dad, my mom's ex. Close sila ni mommy! Pero kahit naman close kayo kung mahal mo yung tao, wala kang papakinggan kung hindi yang puso mo.
My mom had already move on. Kasi parang yung pag hinga niya today, ang gaan na. Sure she stalked my dad since he went missing! But now, I could say na titigil na siya. I'm happy for her. I'm happy for Tita and my dad as well.
We did not talk. We ate lunch in silence. It was awkward. After nun umalis na kami ni mommy. Christian and Macey were still there, pero ang sabi ni Christian. Umalis din daw sila. Macey can't do it.
Alexander is probably lost right now. I wish I could help him figure it out. Pero he's on his own for now. Kanina pa nga niya ako tinatawagan, but... deadma lang ako.
"Who was that girl, anak?"-Mom
"Mackie Aces." I replied with a smile. "She's a sweet girl. I actually like her."
"What's her relationship with Alexander?"-Mom
I cleared my throat. "Alexander is the father of her baby." I gulped, "Can we not talk about them? My heart is breaking..."
Mom smiled. She rubbed my arm. "It's okay to cry, anak. Crying will make you feel okay. Come, get up. Mommy will hug you."
I took a deep breath and sat. Yumakap ako kay mommy at duon na nga ako umiyak ng tuluyan. It was nonstop.
"Mom, I don't know what to do! My heart is breaking. I don't know how to stop it from breaking."
"Let it break. Don't stop it. You can't stop it."-Mom
"Mommy," I cried.
It was that moment where everything doesn't feel real. The world was spinning, and it's gone. I could not breath or even swallow. I just can't.
Umiyak ako nang walang iniisip or nararamdaman kundi ang sakit na nanggagaling sa puso ko. Si mommy, nakiiyak din. We're both lost. I don't know. Hindi ko na alam.
I fell asleep that night. Mom was still hugging me.
I woke up in the middle of the night and everything was gone. Darkness was the only company that I had. I cried. For the first time in my life, I cried in the middle of the night... on my own.
How much more? Ayaw ko na. Ayaw ko ng umiyak! Yung ayaw mo na pero hindi mo mapigilan. Nonstop. Tsk.
Pumasok ako ng school without seeing Alexander. My friends were worried sa inaakto ko. I was quiet, really. Hindi ko feel ang pumasok. Hindi ko rin feel ang makipag-usap sa mga tao.
Gustong-gusto ko siyang makita. I wanted to run out of the school and look for him. Pero paano kung yung taong gusto mong makita ay siya ring ayaw mong makita?
