So Soon - Josh Ramsay/Marianas Trench Fanfiction (Sequel to Porcelain)

5. Listen Kid.

Chapter 5

I sat on the plane between Ian and Josh. I leaned my head on Ian's shoulder.

"I missed you." I said.

"Missed you too Cae. You shouldn't have left last night, I could've got Kim to dance with somebody else." Ian said.

"It's fine, you've got to remember, I'm not a party person." I said.

"I know. Are you excited?" Ian asked.

"Obviously! Vegas baby!" I squealed. Ian laughed. Josh was tapping his fingers and sighing. I took my head off of Ian. "You jealous Ramsay?"

"As if." Josh smirked. Jesus Christ the smirk

"You just want all of this." I smirked back.

"I just missed you Porce, that's it. You were always great company." Josh said. Hmm, great company. That's all he says. Damn.

"If I kissed someone along the lines of a hot guy, you wouldn't be jealous?" I asked.

"Not at all." Josh said. It was like this was a bet. I got out my phone and went into my photos. I found a picture of Michael.

"I fucked this guy one night in 06." I said. Josh clenched his fists.

"And I fuck Amanda regularly. Big deal." He said. I groaned at him.

"You used to be easier to break." I sighed.

"That was before I had to deal with the girl I loved leaving me." Josh said. Ouch, that one hurt. Loved. He shut up after that. Fuck, what have I done?

-

I bit my thumb nail as I watched them film the sence of Josh touching Darla and kissing her neck. It was acting and I was still jealous.

"It's acting Caelyn, calm down. You're not going to have a thumb left." Mike said.

"Shut up." I snapped.

"Jezz, jealous much?" Mike chuckled. I rolled my eyes and got out my phone. I snapped a picture of Josh and Darla and sent it to Michael. Yes, I do text Michael more than Raine, and yes, Raine is still like my sister, but Michael just understands me more I guess.

'What I have to look at all day.... -Caelyn'

I sent along with the picture.

'Caelyn whatever you do don't go into jealous bitch mode. I know you, remember? -M'

'Call me, I'm spazzing out. - Caelyn'

At that point I did start to spaz out. My breathing got fast and heavy. I had to walk away from everybody to answer him.

"Breathe, just breathe." Michael said. I tried to do so. "Steady. Like this." He did steady breathing and I tried to breathe like him. After a few minutes I was better again. "Have you told them? Any of them?" Michael asked. A tear slid down my cheek.

"No. I'm scared they won't look at me the same. Michael these people mean a lot to me." I said.

"Look Caelyn. Being bipolar and having anxiety is not something to screw around with. What happens if you can't get a hold of me one day? You have to tell somebody." Michael said.

Yes, I do have anxiety and I am the slightest bit bipolar. I have meds but I don't take them at less I'm feeling suicidal or can't breathe at all. When I lost the baby I went to the doctors shortly after. They diagnosed me with them. It's one of the reasons my tempers so bad. Michael also has anxiety so we kind of get through it together.

"I don't know what to do! I can't tell Josh, he'll never get back with me then. I'm scared to loose Matt and I'm just not close enough with the other guys." I cried.

"Matt will still love you to pieces. There's a reason he considered you his best friend after not seeing him for 10 years. He'll understand." Michael said. See, that's why he's a great guy. He's always there for you.

"Okay. Love you Michael." I said.

"Love you too. Have fun during this trip." Michael said.

"I will, bye." I said.

"Bye Caelyn." He said. I went back out to see Josh was off of Darla and getting his makeup done.

"Aren't you a pretty lady." I smiled and sat down next to him.

"Thanks! I know I am." He chuckled.

"Caelyn hun would you give me that foundation over there?" The makeup lady asked. I nodded and handed it to her.

"That is the exact foundation I use. Were you in my makeup?" I giggled at Josh.

"Maybe." Josh chuckled.

"Next sence!" Kyle yelled. Josh got up and left. I sat down over by Kyle and watched the screen.

"It's crazy how you do this shit for a living." I said.

"It's not that crazy. What do you do?" He asked.

"I'm in a band, I do work at Starbucks when they need someone though." I said. He yelled cut.

"Now that's crazy. Listen kid, we'll talk later. Maybe I can do a video for you sometime." Kyle smiled.

"I'd like that." I said and waved bye.

-

It was soon extremely late and we were all heading back to our rooms. I was sharing with Matt and Mike.

"Night Caelyn." Mike hugged me goodnight. Matt was in the shower.

"You too Mikey. I'm gonna go for a walk around and call my friends. Tell Matt where I am." I said.

"I will." Mike said.

"Thanks Mike." I waved to him and went out of the room. I put in my headphones and played some Panic! At The Disco. I found the vending machine and got a bag of chips and a coke zero. Josh got me hooked on the shit.

"You really shouldn't be drinking pop before bed, you won't sleep." Josh said. I screeched.

"Jesus fucking Christ." I pulled both my headphones out. "And I wasn't going to sleep anyways. Remember, insomnia?" I asked.

"How could I forget all those night, up til 5am." Josh chuckled. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yep." I said taking a sip of my drink.

"Did you want to come to Vancouver to see us?" Josh asked. I raised my eyebrow and sat on the floor. Josh did the same.

"Not at first. I was scared. Then I got bribed that I wouldn't have to pay rent and ya know...." I laughed. "But in all seriousness. No, but I'm having fun." I said.

"Good, can I uh, ask you something else?" Josh asked. I nodded. "Why do you have our song lyrics tattooed on you?"

"So Soon is a good song. One of my favourites." I said as I ran my fingers over it.

"And also, since when do you listen to Panic!?" Josh asked.

"Don't worry, Kryptonite is still my favourite song." I smiled, and it was true. That song had so many memories, there was no way I could forget it.