So Soon - Josh Ramsay/Marianas Trench Fanfiction (Sequel to Porcelain)

6. Goodnight kisses

"I can't believe you put up with me back then when you had to clue what was going on. I had no clue what was going on." I sighed. Fucking hell did I just say that? Well I guess I have to tell him now. Damnit.

"Porce you're scaring me. What was going on?" Josh asked.

"Remember when you told me you were addicted to heroin and you made me promise that I wouldn't think you were a freak?" I asked. I took another sip of my drink.

"You're not on drugs are you? I told you not to smoke." Josh said.

"No, no. Just promise you won't think I'm a freak. Please, please." I begged.

"I could never think you were a freak. What's going on?" Josh asked. He looked me straight in the eyes. Damn I missed those eyes.

"Josh, only Raine and Michael know this. This is big for me." I shook.

"Caelyn Marie Jones, spit it out." Josh ordered.

"I have a mental illness." I sighed. Josh's face went blank.

"What do you have?" He asked and scooted over to me.

"I'm bipolar and I have somewhat high anxiety. I'm not a lot bipolar, just enough to fuck me up sometimes." I said.

"How long has this been going on?" Josh asked.

"Being bipolar? My whole life. Anxiety? 10ish years now. I went for a appointment a bit after I left Vancouver and they diagnosed me. If I would've known when we were together, I would've told you. I promise. I just didn't know." I said.

"Porcelain, do you have medacation for this stuff? I might not know what to do if it happens." Josh said. He bit his bottom lip. He looked so nervous.

"Yeah I just don't use them at less it's bad. Don't be scared. I'm still the same old Porcelain." I smiled.

"You look so different. What happened to the blonde? What happened to the non tattooed pale arms?" Josh asked. I laid my head in his lap.

"Remember my old favourite thing to wear?" I asked.

"Nothing?" Josh laughed. I hit him and laughed as well.

"No you dick. Button ups? Remember those? Skinny jeans? Bright red lipstick? Lots of black eyeliner? Remember that girl with a shit ton of acne? The one with the small tits? That's still me." I chuckled.

"What about those fucking red vans that you loved so much?" Josh laughed. I looked down at my feet to see I was wearing toms.

"Not the same pair, but I do have red vans in my bag. See, I didn't change that much." I said.

"That's just clothes. What about your hair?" Josh asked.

"Um, I got it done in 04 I believe. I died it all black for a long time then I added my stripe in 09 I think. It reminded me too much of the day we got our hair done and our piercings." I giggled.

"Tattoos young lady? How many?" Josh asked.

"Lost count. Wanna see some?" I asked.

"Oh I can definitely see some." Josh laughed. I hit him again and stood up.

"I am not stripping for you!" I laughed as I removed my sweatshirt. Josh rolled his eyes and laughed. I turned around and pointed to the one on my back. "Band name." I turned back around and sat down again. I put out my left arm. "A heart for Michael because I trust him a lot and shit. Uh this is Raine's daughter's footprint." I said.

"Raine has a daughter?" Josh asked.

"Yeah... She was pregnant when I left Vancouver." I said. And so was I.

"You're hidding something Porce, you're not yourself." Josh said.

"Ramsay, I'm telling you. This is me now. I hope you understand." I said. I picked at my nails nervously.

"I uh do. You're just-I can't wrap my head around it." Josh said.

"I knew you wouldn't like me anymore." I sighed.

"I do, you're amazing. Just a little getting used to." Josh said. He pushed my hair out of my face.

"Josh, how we're not together anymore, would it be weird if you held my hand and walked me to my room?" I asked.

"Not at all." We got up and held hands. I miss this. We walked back in silence. "Goodnight Porcelain." Josh said. I fumbled with the room key.

"Night Ramsay. Sleep tight." I smiled and started to open the door.

"Porce wait." He grabbed my hand and pushed me against the wall. His lips smashed into mine. Oh god I missed this. I tangled my hands in his hair as he slid his around my waist. Did this mean we were together again? He pulled away. "Fuck, I shouldn't of don't this, I have a girlfriend. Fuck fu-"

"This never happened. Okay?" I said. That hurt me to say. Of course I wanted that to happen, and I wanted that kiss to last, but he didn't.

"Thank you." He said.

"Goodnight." I said as I slipped away into the room. I shut the door and laid down next to Matt, where I was sleeping for the next bit. I put my fingers up to my lips. Wow.