Tame (Fillie Fanfic) [ON HOLD]

Chapter 18- Sucks

A/N Hey guys! Just wanted to say that I will be posting chapters Monday and Friday! @8PM EST. Love you all xoxo! And huge shout out to  duff3000 for editing this chapter :))) 

Chapter 18- Sucks

*FINN'S POV*

"Finn" she said, bringing me out of my reverie, "we shouldn't be together, not any more. I can't love you, and you don't know how to love me."

And that's when her words hit me.

But why did I feel nothing?

Millie looked away for a swift second, her facial features looked prominent and her cheeks were hollow, not like they used to be. Before, I used to see her cheeks redden up at every thing we did together. But now, they were lifeless and sad. Her short hair was dancing slowly under the wind, and I saw her dull eyes redden, not like she was going to cry but almost like she wanted me to leave.

"Well, I expected this moment to be less harsh." I felt my back shudder with sorrow, it wasn't because she was breaking up with me but it was because once again, I failed to love someone. Millie was, and always will be, something to me, I'll always care about her, but that's all.

Suddenly little speckles of water start hitting our faces, pitter patter. I saw her amber eyes glisten a little bit at the weather but then she realized something and she looked down to her clothes, my sweatshirt. She lifted it over her head and under the apparel was a black tank top.

"Mills, keep it." I gently pushed her cold hands away from me, her touch was chilly almost like stone, "you're going to get a cold."

"I'm fine in this weather, but you hate it and it's your only sweatshirt. Protect yourself from the rain." She handed me the sweatshirt, she was letting go of our totem.

"So I guess you aren't going to give me a reason to fight for you..." I rubbed the back of my neck nervously, hoping she would continue the conversation, a reason for me to stay. A reason for me to still be in love with her. I wanted to stay and fight for her, but only to satisfy my desire, my need, to change, to be able to love someone, instead I had this urge to leave. We both didn't love each other and it wasn't worth fighting for, I had lost again in this game of love. She didn't answer and she turned away, I could notice her quietly shivering under the rain but I know she is secretly enjoying it. But I was forcing myself to stay, she's my friend.

"Mills, are you still in love with me?" My jaw tightened.

"Are you?" She said bitterly, turning, her eyes burning into me.

"Do you want me to explain? Because I really don't know why I kissed her. She was there, and I was drunk. And I-I don't know! I guess I wanted to!" I blurted out. "I am sorry, Mills. Just please- answer my question. Are you still in love with me?"

"I really don't know, Finn! I am breaking up with because I don't care. I don't care about your letters, or your stupid roses, or your birthday, or the fact that you cheated on me."

"Millie Bobby Brown, yes you do. You screamed when you heard it was my birthday- when you know no one else even wished me or spent it with me. You offered me my sweatshirt because you know I hate the rain. And you do care that I kissed another girl, because the day I sent you that letter was exactly five years ago your brother died." The day you saw me kissing another girl. I saw the hateful look in her eyes that bombshell earned. "I keep failing you because I don't love you, Millie. I want to, I will want to love you every day until my last breath. But I can't. I don't know how to. And once again- you are breaking up with me because you know that I can't love and you are saving me from screwing up again. But I already did, Mills. I failed you." You deserve someone who can love you, and it can't be me.

And we left it like that.

And I walked away.