A/N: Listening to this as I write^^ One of my current favorites.
Date(s) Written: 4.17.17
Tyler sat on the counter where Josh was preparing coffee for both of them. Josh had been making coffee from his work for awhile, and eventually his boss stopped trying to get him to stop. Melanie was his boss, but the one that was getting angry at him was a higher level person. Tyler was extremely relieved that Josh hadn't been mad about the incident. He had every right to be, but Josh wasn't mad enough to immediately break up with Tyler. And that meant something.
The two boys exchanged smiles to each other while Josh mixed in the creamer to the coffee. Coincidentally, the two liked their coffee made the exact same. Josh felt numb as he made the coffee. He was still swirling with love for Tyler, but he was conflicted with himself on what he should do with the situation. He didn't allow the worrying thoughts get the best of him. He didn't want this meaningful relationship to end just because of his own mind. He didn't know how far he wanted the relationship to go though. Would he really marry Tyler? The future was already made, but the fogginess of the vacillating.
He shook off the thoughts, and attempted to live in the moment. Anxiety does this thing though. Where you think one thing, and no matter how hard you try it's always there. You can't flick the switch like a light. You have to allow your mind to think this thing, and then you have to find a way to battle it back with reasoning in order for it not to impact you. He didn't know what to do with the worry of the future when it involved Tyler, because it involved Tyler and his mind, actions, and feelings. Josh had no control over this and it was utterly petrifying.
"Thank you, Joshua." Tyler hopped down from the counter and was on the other side from Josh while he took his cup of coffee. It felt like the old days. The days before all of this happened. When Tyler would set his laptop down into his passenger seat, and expect to see Josh (but never talk to him.).
"Anything for you." Josh walked over, and stood beside Tyler. They were content, and the worrying thoughts always seemed to go away as soon as they were with each other. It was easy to escape.
Tyler placed his coffee into his right hand, and grabbed Josh's hand to walk him over to a table. Although the boys have done more than hand holding, the simple action still sent butterflies into both of their stomach. Both of their hands were dry, but they fit nicely into each other.
No one else was in the bookstore, so they didn't know what to do or talk about. Tyler and Josh had each looked around enough in the book store. They sat down at a small table across from each other, and drank their coffee together.
"Ty, I know you wanted a happy day. I just don't think that it's healthy for me and us." Josh said after a few moments of silence.
"O-okay..." Tyler was unsure of what Josh wanted to say. If he wanted to talk so suddenly did that mean they Josh was about to break up with Tyler?
"I don't want to break up, love. You mean much more than me than a week long relationship. I just want this to work out so bad that I think if we don't talk about it now we could fa-."
"Okay, Joshua. I agree with you." Tyler placed his hand on Josh's on the table. They both looked at each other with sad smiles, but the love continued to grow even in this rough patch.
"Now- who the fuck was kissing my boy?" Josh suddenly had an angry tone.
"He's this guy who always calls me a faggot and stuff." Tyler had a small voice, afraid. Josh noticed Tyler tensing up.
"Hun, I'm not at all mad at you. I just need to hear your side so I can understand." His voice softened already.
"He just bullies me, I guess." Tyler wasn't making any eye contact.
"Then why was he kissing you?" Josh was even more confused by this conversation.
"I think he is gay Joshua, but he is too afraid to say it. I don't like him at all! Please believe me." Tyler knew Josh was confused by his facial expression.
"I believe you, love. I just need you to reassure me everything will be okay for you at school? I want to make sure you feel safe." Josh didn't want to hear anymore about someone hurting Tyler.
"Yes, I do. The kiss was the absolute worst thing that has ever happened. The other stuff was just miniature things. No worries."
Josh and Tyler sat in silence. They both overthought every word both of them had just said. Did they say the right thing? Could they have just messed up this entire thing through a wrong choice of wording? Their thoughts drove them to insanity, and they were sitting in the back seat.
"Are we on good terms?" Josh was always the one to break the silence.
"I want to be, J." Tyler pleaded Josh, and rubbed circles on Josh's thumb.
"Then we are." Josh leaned over the table and connected their lips. Josh put his hand under Tyler's chin to hold up his head. They immediately felt better from the kiss, the words, the sudden freedom. Although they had known each other for such a short amount of time, they were falling in love deeper than some married couples would with years of being together.
Josh still had to reserve the restaurant for both of them, and it felt good now. The worrying thoughts ceased to exist, and the relationship would live onto another day. Taking it day by day is a skill for people with anxiety, but they would have to learn if they didn't want to crumble their relationship completely. Tyler didn't know what he would do when he did have to go back home. But he found himself time and time again saying to himself:
Day by day.
A/N: I always update this when I have the most to do, and when I do have time to write- I don't. Welp, I don't even know anymore.
Have a lovely day/night:)
