5SOS Preferences

Afraid - Michael Clifford

[Y/N] is in a complete world of her own. She hasn't even twigged on that my eyes have been concentrated on her for the past five minutes. There are storms going on in her mind - I know it. I can see it - it's in her eyes. Everything about her confuses me and terrifies me at the same time, like the way she's at peace but somehow on fire. She's not just the calm before the storm - she's the storm too. She's a work of art - that's what she is. She leaves me breathless and searching for the words to explain my feelings. And as much as I search, I can't find the explanation. I don't know what it is that she stirs deep inside me, or why I can never pull her from my thoughts.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, giving me a reason to look away. I don't want to, but if I don't now I never will.
The text is from Calum. My face creases in confusion as I glance behind [Y/N] to meet his eyes. He's already looking at me, which is no surprise given what his text says. I shrug. I can't help it. He knows how much I love her. I look back down at the screen and reread the message.
'dude, seriously. you're looking at her like you've just realised what love is. just tell her.'
Like it's that simple. Like I could find the balls to spill out all my feelings to her. It's just too scary.
Calum texts me again.
'bro, she's into you. stop being intimidated by her. she's not scary.'
No, she isn't scary. She's just perfect, and that scares me. Everything I feel for her is all at once, all the time. I can't shut my thoughts down, even for a few minutes. And even if I wasn't too afraid to tell her, how could I possibly manage to get all of that into words?
I can feel Calum staring at me, so I meet his eyes across the room again. I knew he'd be giving me that look. My eyes practically roll to the back of my head - he has no idea. If I wasn't such a wuss I would tell her. I want to tell her. There's nothing I want more than to be with her.
[Y/N] clears her throat and we both snap our attention to her.
"Are you guys done having eye sex across the room?" She chuckles.
"I was actually just about to go have eye sex with Luke, so I'll see you guys in a bit." Calum says with a wide grin, leaving us alone.
She moves to sit next to me and I fight with my body to stay calm, but I tense up all the same.
She leans her head on my shoulder and my heart pounds. How does she have this kind of effect on me? It's unreal.
My phone buzzes again with another text from Calum, so I discreetly read it.
'tell her, man. stop being so afraid.'
I open my mouth, hoping that by some miracle I might just blurt out my thoughts. But the words stick in my throat and my lips fall shut.
My chest deflates, the breath I've been holding finally being released. It's not going to happen. I can't tell her. The fear is too much, it's overwhelmingly too much. We'll just have to stay friends, and I'll stay afraid.

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