Maknae= Taemin

Up, Down and back again~ Minho

Minho~

My eyes open and I stare up at the ceiling, willing it to fall in on me. My lungs are tired of breathing and working harder than the rest of my body is. My body aches from the dancing. Is this how Taemin feels after he dances for hours? No. I can't think about him right now. I don't want to hear his name, see his beautiful smile, hear his voice.... again. Not today. I can't bare it. I sit up and rub my eyes. The darkness and cold of the room calms me. I hear the sound of a TV and look through the window. The three of them sit in the game room watching a Japanese drama. Key and Jonghyun hold hands.

I sometimes wish I were one of them.

Key and Jonghyun love eachother so easily, it hurts to see. When they smile at eachother you can see their love. I once looked at them laughing and left the room to go see Taemin. His face lit up when he saw me. I enjoyed it for a moment. Looking back on that time I see that Taemin was much more than happy to see me. He wanted me and never changed his mind. Except that now he hates me. I don't know how to feel about him.

Last night I wanted to be holding him. It's what I dreamt of. I had a dream that he was sleeping in my arms and opened his eyes to look at me 'Minho, I need this.' He said through out the dream. I hated when I woke up because the space beside me was cold. He wasn't laying there and there's no guarantee that he'll ever be that close to me again. I hate this feeling.

****

I've  been sitting in this room all day. I'm afraid that Onew will try and tell me that Taemin wants me to call him because I'll want to. I'll grab the nearest phone and dial his number quickly. I don't want to do that. I don't want to hear him speak. A part of me wants to. A part of me wants to hold on to the few minutes that we'll have if I call him. I can't be like this. This isn't who I am. I never hide from my problems. Onew stands in the door way. I didn't notice him come up. "Minho?"

"Hmm."

"You look like hell."

"Thanks Onew. That's just what I needed to hear."

"I have to be honest with you. I won't let you fall apart on us."

"That's what matters?"

"You can't let Taemin be the only thing that matters in your life." Hearing his name out loud stings. "You miss him."

"Yup."

"Last night was horrible. If you could've seen yourselves you two would've been very ashamed of yourselves."

"I really love your pep talks. You weren't this mean to Taemin."

"I'm saying these things to you because you're stronger than he is. Taemin needs support and you need tough love and truth."

"I never said that I wanted it."

"You need to stop this. Since when did you become a big baby?"

"I'm being a baby? I deserve to be hurt right now." He smiles.

"There's the Minho we know and love." I shake my head.

"That Minho left with Taemin." Saying his name stings also. I'm hurting badly now.

"Don't act like that."

"Like what?"

"Like everything's over because you two aren't together. Hate to break it to you but you two were never officially dating."

"I'm seriously hating you right now."

"If you want him, go do something about it."

"What exactly do you expect me to do?"

"Get him back."

"I'll grab him by the ear and drag him back here. If only I knew where he was."

"At his parents vacation house."

"You're making this hard for me."

"How?"

"I'm doing everything in my power to stop myself from going to get him now that I know where he is. It's almost like you want me to go right now."

"Maybe I do."

"I can't! Taemin and I, we need time. Time apart from each other." He rolls his eyes. "What?"

"None of us have ever needed time apart. We used to be very close. The very thought of being alone would've been laughed off. We're being torn."

"I don't know what to do anymore." I say honestly. I can tell Onew anything. He comes into the room and sits in front of me with his legs crossed. "I know how I acted last night. I wasn't myself because I let him get the best of me. Everything he was saying about not caring about him... you know that he's wrong right? You know that I do care about him?" He nods. "I try to protect him. Every chance I get I'm protecting him. I've always wanted him to know that I'll be there for him." I scratch my neck nervously. "The whole thing kind of back fired on me. I hated myself this morning, I still do now."

"Why?"

"I wasn't protecting him from myself. I could've snapped. I nearly did."

"No you didn't. I knew that you wouldn't hurt him."

"But I didn't. I thought that if you hadn't held me back I would've done something. He was getting on my nerves." Onew shakes his head.

"I need to ask you a serious question."

"Go ahead."

"Do you love Taemin?"

Taemin~

I pull my legs up to my chest and stare at the wall. Onew told me last night that he'd call me around this time. I should really call him first. What if he's with Minho? I touch the screen of my phone and sigh. I'm really being a chicken about this. I want to call Minho but I'm scared. I'm not supposed to be afraid of him. The phone moves in my hand. I put it on speaker. "Hello?" The person on the other line is taking a while to speak.

"Hey." Onew sounds like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. "I have something to ask you."

"Okay."

"Do you love Minho?" I take in a sharp breath.

"Where is this coming from?" I haven't really said anything about loving him before.

"I need to know."

"Why?"

"If you both admit that you love eachother then it will be easier to fix things."

"Did you ask him?"

"Yes."

"What did he say?"

"I am not going to tell you that. He can tell you himself."

"Is he going to?"

"Not right now. At least not until you tell me."

"And you're not going to give me time to think about it?"

"You should've have to." I sigh and run my hand through my hair. I think of how much time we've spent together, how he looks out for me, how he smiles at me, how he speaks to me... I think of how he kissed me. In that moment when he kissed me I knew that it was right. I lean my head back against the wall.  "Taemin are you there?"

"Yes."

"Good I thought you hung up."

"No Onew I mean yes."

"Yes what?" He wants me to actually say it.

"I am in love MInho."

"I knew it! Would you like to talk to him?"

"Does he want to talk to me?"

"He looks eager."

"You're in the room with him?!"

"I'm in the room next to him. Don't worry he can't hear me."

"Have we had enough time?"

"He misses you. I'm giving him the phone now." My hands are shaking. Why can I stop them from shaking?