Maknae= Taemin

The Deepest Wish~ Minho

Minho~

I stand up and watch Taemin. His chest rises and falls at a steady pace. He looks almost angelic, he could be a painting by a talented artist, he could be a life like statue that captures a prince sleeping. Taemin could be with anyone. But he chose to be with me. I still don't understand his choice. I'm not good enough for someone like him. The way he kissed me last night made me believe that there's a chance for us. One day there might be a chance. 

I pick up one of his sketch books and flip through the pages. Many of them are of me. Me in different poses and different angles. There's one of me from during the Ring Ding Dong video shoot. I'm smiling for some unknown reason. I think that he makes me look better than I really do. I flip to one of himself. It's so realistic. He's such a good artist. I place the book back on the shelf and grab a paper from his desk. I look at him for a few more minutes. I don't want to do this but I have to. Taemin needs better. 

Taemin~

I open my eyes and see a piece of paper on the pillow beside mine. I unfold it and see Minho's careful writing. 

Taemin-Maknae,

I know that this isn't the right way to do things. I never do things right, do I? I keep trying for you but there's no denying my wrongs. I'm sorry for everything. I just need some time to myself. I want to figure myself out so that I can be good for you. Good enough to be with you that is. The only thing I'm sure about is that I want you. You're the only thing I want. What you said to me on the phone made me realize that. 

I love you, 

Minho.

I jump out of bed and run downstairs. Maybe he's still here. "Minho?" I check everywhere. He's gone. If I would've woken up earlier, he'd still be here. I could've stopped him. I see my phone and the counter and grab it. I need to tell someone that he's gone. I dial Key's number. One ring, two rings.... "Taemin?"

"He's gone Key. He's gone and I was sleeping." I feel myself dropping to the ground. 

"Who's gone? What was that thump?"

"He left me Key."

"Who?" 

"I should've woken up." 

"I'm coming okay? Stay where you are." 

"Key?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Thank you."

"We're like brothers Taemin. I'd do anything for you." He pauses. "Don't do anything okay? Not without me there."

"Okay."

"Bye." I put the phone on the floor in front of me. I feel empty, hollow actually. Minho is my best friend and the guy I love. We don't usually stay apart. This isn't right at all. There's so many things I regret doing. If I didn't get mad that he called me Key, we wouldn't have started fighting. We wouldn't have figured out our feelings and things wouldn't have started to fall apart. 

Key~

Taemin explains the entire situation from the start. Minho waking out with him when he was drunk and saying my name, their fights and their make out sessions. He showed me the letter, his obvious most prized possession. Minho could've waited until Taemin woke up and explained his feelings. Now Taemin feels responsible for all of these problems. I can't help but be mad at Minho. He knows how fragile Taemin is when it comes to his feelings. They're supposed to be best friends and he decided it was right to break his heart. "Taemin drink this." He shoots me a worried look.

"What is this?"

"Banana Milk." He takes one drink and places it back on the counter. "I need you to eat and drink something before I let the guys know that he's gone."

"I get it."

"What do you want to eat?"

"Nothing."

"Be co-operative please."

"I just don't feel like eating or doing anything."

"You have to."

"My stomach is sick."

"Liar."

"I'm sorry but I can't." I lean against the stove and cross my arms over my chest. "I miss him. I want Minho to be here beside me right now."

"He shouldn't have left you and if he decided that he really needed to go, he should've woken you. I can't help but wonder why he left."

"It's all I think about." He rubs the folded paper between his index finger and his thumb. I watch him rub where Minho wrote Taemin on the front. There will be an indent soon from the constant pressure. The hoodie he wears has long sleeves that cover most of his hand and the note. He looks at the cup of Banana Milk. "It's gone." He murmurs.

"What's gone?"

"That feeling of love. You know when your entire body feels fuzzy because you're overflowing with joy. It's been replaced by the feeling of sadness and never wanting to say another word but knowing you have to."

"This may seem stupid to ask now. Do you love Minho?"

"With all of my heart."

Taemin~

Good enough to be with you that is. Key holds my hand as the car drives down the road. We're on our way back to the house. I've read the words on this note I clutch with my left hand. The words he should've said to me and not wrote. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and he's off somewhere not even caring. He's out there not even bothering to tell me where he is. He doesn't care about how I feel or what he's done. The worst part about it is the fact that I'm not mad at him. All I feel is hurt. The dent where he wrote the words I love you should be enough to make me be okay. But I love you doesn't magically fix everything. Especially if it's a lie.

If he loved me then he'd never leave me. Someone who loves you doesn't just leave and say that they need to be better for you. In a way he's using me as an excuse to leave. I won't be an excuse for his mistakes. Even though I love him, that doesn't mean I can be this sad person because of him. I love him with everything I have. Love isn't always enough.

I step out of the car and get in the house quickly. I'm greeted with open arms and fake plastic smiles. It's better than the sadness I was expecting. Seeing the three of them makes my heart ache. There are five members in SHINee. Not four, not three, not two, five.

They've prepared breakfast for me. I eat as much as I can possibly pile in without getting sick. I need to go on like I'm normal again. I need to move on as fast as I can. With or without Minho.

Minho~

I enter the airport lobby and see him standing there in a captain hat with a sign that says my name on it. He grins when he sees me. "Well if it isn't Choi Minho live in Japan." I smile.

"You act as though you're surprised to see me."

"I'm trying to make you excited about being here!"

"I already am."

"Well given the circumstances..."

"We're not going to talk about him okay?" He nods.

"It's a deal. Anyhow, I suggest we get a move on before the fans find out I'm here."

"SuG's Takeru with SHINee's Minho? It's un-heard of!"

"I can hear the snapping of cameras already." He grabs my hand and we enter the crowd of people.