Destroyer

Part Ten: Darkness

Chat Noir rubbed his head against my hand softly as we sat on my bed. I smiled at the small kitten and picked him up. "Aren't you just adorable!" I giggled.

"Marinette..." I looked up suddenly as I heard my name.

"Adrien?" I asked. I looked down the hall to see him standing there. Seconds later he disappeared. My face scrunched up into an angry knot. Tears spilled out of my eyes. "Why did you leave me?" I whispered. "Why?"

Tears covered my face as I laid down on my bed. It was too much for me to bear. He was gone. He had left me. I just needed to accept that but...

I wanted him back so badly.

For months after that I beat myself up. I kept on telling myself that it was my fault that he left. And it was. I was so blinded  by my own sadness that I didn't even think of how he might of felt when he learned that I would one day kill him. I was selfish. I let him comfort me when he was the one who needed comforting. I wished that I could go back in time to see him again. If only I could comfort him at least once. If only I could see him once more. If he was dead, I would have been crushed. My heart began to crumble. Everything was blurry, dark. I had lost everything dear to me. My parents. My love. My best friend. My Adrien. They were gone. I wanted to hide in a hole forever. I wanted to remove the pain. For a very long time I started skipping school. I didn't have enough energy or will to go. My friends began to call me. People would knock on my door, but my bakery was closed. Along with heart.

Dark. Everything was dark around me. I rarely ever ventured out of my room. I was starving myself, but nothing would kill me. It was as if I was immortal. I was hungry, thirsty, sleep deprived. I couldn't make a single clear thought. Everything was mixed up. I couldn't function properly with the state I was in.

I just wanted to crumple up and die.

For some reason, though, it seemed that the more I despised living, the more life I destroyed. I realized what that meant after awhile. If I died the world would crumble, but if I came to love life, everything and everyone would bloom with hope. I wondered if it was something similar with Adrien. Was it that the more he loved life, the more the world crumbled before him? If he hated life, would it spread? Everything was so confusing. I was so selfish. I wanted to be dead so badly that when Adrien returned, I asked him to do something that would possibly end human kind.

I wanted Adrien to kill me.