When I Escaped

Chapter 2

I think the idea of death is beautiful. Lying underneath a cool soil, surrounded by darkness and a place that is so quiet. No fears, no problems, no worries and just tranquility.

"Jusko naman anak anong nangyari sayo? Ba't ka nahimatay at buti nalang nakita kita nung pauwi ako galing trabaho." Nakikita ko sa mukha niya ang sobrang pag-alala.

My mother started working as a housemaid nang nalugi yung business namin. Sometimes when I see her crying, I hug her but when I asked what's the problem she keeps on shutting me out. She never talks to me about what she feel. And we never spend a lot of time unlike my dad.

"Ah, wala 'yon Ma. Baka na heatstroke lang ako."

What a lie.

She looked at me. Her eyes were weary and wrinkled. Nakikita ko na rin na marami na siyang puting buhok but still maganda siya.

Her voice was feeble. "Julie, alam ko na nahihirapan ka pa rin sa sitwasyon natin, pero sana naman wag mong gawin ang mga bagay na sisira sa buhay mo and I think you're father wouldn't be happy of what you're doing."

I rolled my eyes.

"Mom I told you, it was just nothing. I think it's just the weather that I collapsed, mainit kasi."

"Listen to me Julie" she said in a serious tone. "It's almost been 4 years since your father died, maybe we should try to forget the past and move on."
To my surprise, she is really bringing this up, I mean bakit ngayon lang? Hindi ko gustong makipag usap sa kanya tungkol dito.

I didn't answered.

"Since when did you use sleeping pills, Julie?" I can see her eyes starting to form a tear."I saw a bottle of pills under your pillow, Julie naman please don't do this."

Silence...

I felt a mix of anger and sadness.
She never open up to me since they were divorced and I don't know how to explain to her what I feel.

I threw both of my hands in the air. "I'm tired mom, I'm tired of everything." I screamed. "Naalala mo ba ang mga panahong sobra kitang kailangan, I wanted to talk to you but you just shut me out." words just flew out of my mouth.
"Minsan lang tayo nagkikita pero sana bigyan mo naman ako nag konting oras mo, Ma. Wala na nga dito si Papa, pati ikaw-"

She cut me off and hugged me. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry Julie. How can I make it up to you? Gusto ko itama lahat ng pagkakamali ko. But don't do this to yourself." she cried.

I looked at her and felt nothing.
Everything is too late, I'm broken.

I went to my room and took a shower. Humarap ako sa salamin. My eyes looked like I never slept for years and my eyebags seems to sag.

"Anong klase akong anak at pinaiyak ko ang sarili kong ina. Baka pagod na rin siya at pabigat lang ako."

I notice I always have mood swings. Sometimes I have this happy personality and a sad soul in one body. It's so weird.

I can't sleep again maybe because I overthink too much.

Pumunta ako sa living room at nakita ko si Mama nahiga sa sofa, pagod na pagod sa trabaho. She didn't even changed her clothes, she is still wearing her housemaid uniform.

I could feel guilt rushing all over my body. Maybe she's right about everything, pero hindi pa ako handa. I couldn't just forget Dad.

I sat near my mom at nakita ko yung picture na magkasama kaming tatlo. We were so happy, abot langit yung ngiti ko dito and I forgot how it feels. And I want this more than anything in the world. I want my family back but that thought just dissapoints me.

Tiningan ko si Mama. I smiled. I won't lose her too.

Parang may nararamdaman ako na masakit. Ay kaya pala.

Gutom ako. Hindi man lang kami nakakain ng dinner.

Kinuha ko ang jacket ko at ang aking kunting ipon na pera. Working student kasi ako sa paaralan namin. Every Saturday naglilinis ako ng library at cafeteria.

Lumabas muna ako at pumunta sa pinakamalapit na foodstore. Bumili ako ng 2 pieces chicken at noodles. Paglabas ko may tumawag sakin.

"Julie"

Napatigil ako at parang hinugutan nang hininga. Ano ba naman kasi tatawag na nga lang yung tipong matatakot kapa.

"What are you doing here? Gabi na." and guess who

si Bakulaw

"Pinatunayan mo talaga na para kang halimaw, noh? giit ko.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "What!?"

Naglakad lang ako na parang hindi ko siya nakita.

"Sandali lang, hahatid na kita at baka may kumidnap sayo" ngingiti ngiting sabi niya.

Kidnap mo mukha mo.

I just continue walking. Wow ha kinalimutan lang niya kung anong ginawa niya sakin noon.

He ran after me at hinarangan ako. Ang kapal. "Titigil ka o bubuhatin kita."
He really know how to get to my nerves.

"Ano bang problema mo, ha?" I rolled my eyes.

"YOU"

You.

"Me?" nag-aalinlangang sagot ko.

"You and me, pwede?" sabay pangbakulaw na ngiti niya.

I glared at him. "You're nonsense." at umalis ako.

Nakakasira talaga ng gabi ang pesteng to.

Then suddenly he grabbed me."Ano ba!?" I tried struggling to get away from his tight grasp but what's the use, he's too muscular and tough parang sinimento yung kapit niya.

Inilagay niya ako sa loob ng kanyang sasakyan.

"I just really wanted to be friends with y--"

I cut him off. "Hindi ko kailangan ng kaibigan naiintindihan mo ba?" sigaw ko.

"I just think you needed someone to talk to." he looked at me. And for once I think he's sincere.