I giggle with Anita and Shani and some other girls as we gather in the common room that night
It was our last night here. In boarding school. Of course we still got the NECO Exams but all we had now was literature and visual arts. That wasn't so hard to me. The rest of the school was closing on Friday, and we still had the exams for another two weeks, one each week. It made no sense to remain in school.
So, the hostel mistress had us all take our mattresses to the common room with the rest of the hostel for this sendoff and sleepover. There were drinks and some snacks at the side, in case someone got hungry. Sweet words here and there were shared, all talking about how we would be greatly missed in the hostel. It was a bit hurtful but my eyes were dry. And my classmates were busy streaming with tears. I even tried to fake cry. But I must have cried out all the tears in this seventeen years of my life. I wish they wouldn't see it as mean.
"Shani the trouble maker. You think I'd ever forget the time I found a phone in your underwear. " The mistress said, making us all roar with laughter.
I wasn't really expecting anyone to say really nice things about me, concerning that pregnancy chaos, but people did. Commenting my playing the piano during chapel service, and how nice I've been and all of that talk. I tried to believe and take in their kind words, Shani told me to stop being too hard on myself and let go. I slept that night and dreamt of peace.
*********
Graduation day was just as peaceful. Of course a lot of boring speeches and all of that, graduation stuff. I just wanted the day to end. I performed, played the piano really, but not so much to notice, only for this song for a girl to the departing students and it was a bit sad. Not everyone loves goodbyes.
I was glad my parents came and behaved as if they weren't separated. They even agreed to take a picture together with me, even smiling and all. Such good act. Mum and Daniel still stays at Aunt Margaret. Mariah was with dad, for the weekend. She said mum was annoying her and she needed a break. I didn't say much to her. Mum left earlier with Aunt Margaret and Daniel. I stayed back with dad and Mariah, and only because Mariah whispered that he'd love it if I stayed just a night, even. I haven't been there since the fight so I just agreed, and I was running out of clothes anyway. And I really didn't like staying at Sara's room because it made me miss her. I saw the glint of happiness in dad's eyes when I said I'd come.
********
"You got an offer to study Law at the University of Westminster. You also got an offer at University of Birmingham. Think about what you want" My dad said, two days later. Just with my transcript and IELTS score I was able to bag these two offers. Wow.
I wanted to call Sara first and let her know where she would be going. She said even if it wasn't the same university , it just had to be the same city. I told dad I'd think about it.
I tried later but she didn't pick up, but she called later that night. I left Mariah to go to my room to pick up the call. The kind of things she tells me over the phone is more than what I think Mariah would bear.
"Hey honey. I saw your missed call. I was running errands for dad" she said. I told her it was fine and asked how she was.
"Oh honey I'm fine" Then , she hushed someone up, and I could hear the person giggling. What's with the honey word please.
"Um, I got an offer to study at London or Birmingham.."
"Oh" she cuts in. "Brum is the place!"
I sunk because I kinda wanted London. I've really not gone anywhere else.
"But what about London?" I said. She hushes the person again and I'm so certain that's not her dad.
"Well, London isn't much of a city for raves"
As if she read my mind about what the hell a rave was she said "Clubbing"
I blink. What's this ones problem abeg. "Sara can we be serious"
"Mike, man. Stop kissing me." She whispers, before she gets my attention. I sigh. "Can't stay here, honey. My dad is a bit too protective"
"But -"
"Listen, trust me Dass, we could come to London on some weekends to visit dad and do some little sight seeing if you want, but birmingham is the place. I could get us a place"
Nah, I'd prefer living alone.
"I got us girl" She assures. Though I don't feel assured. I'm bothered that her choice is just based on clubbing. For crying out loud! Not even ratings and all of that.
I sigh. "What are you doing?"
She giggles. "Well, I was about to have the best-"
I hear some sounds. "You mean, make love?" The guy behind says and I suddenly feel sick. I hope this girl isn't spreading her legs around that London.
"You're so cheeky. Well Dassy honey, I've gotta go now. I'll call-"
The line drops dead. It must be that baboon that hung up. Because of sex. That word alone makes me cringe. I want to just go be on my own.
****
When I tell dad about this a few days later he looked relaxed.
"Yes, birmingham would be better even. I was hoping you'd choose it too"
I made up my mind, yes I won't be on my own. But no raving abi clubbing all that nonsense. I don't have the time for that. What would I be doing in that kind of place.
****
"Never in your life will you give your trust to a man. Men will fail you, they will break you and shatter you and you will sit there and let the shatters pierce through you"
Mum warned one early Saturday morning before I left for university. I had been doing my housework and she just came in unexpectedly. She had been sitting in silence.
"In university, you will meet people. Allow God to lead you to them . Choose wisely. Do not make mistakes"
I stared at her. Some mistakes had already been made. I trusted and my innocence was snatched. I had written epitaphs of a childhood gone too soon. But I will not, dwell. Dwelling was too tiring.
"Make sure you read your books and not shifting your focus. Have it in mind why you're there."
She looked teary eyed and I wished I would hug her. I listened to her conversation with Aunt Margaret the night before.
"I had a conversation with God. I wanted to just know why. Why? Just why? All my life, I had done nothing but love. So why does this love come back to slap me on the face. I gave him children. I have done nothing but be a good woman"
"But men would never change, Anna it takes the grace of God for him to not fall"
"It doesn't matter. What sort of a conscience? He comes to say that I don't let him touch me. That I do not.."
I scrambled to my room because I didn't want to listen to the failure of my father.
In this kitchen, listening to her was putting me in the same mood as last night. Because I feel like I could taste the pain of heartbreak and what it had done to her. I was almost beginning to pity her, maybe share a hug. But the thought of hugging mum remained a foreign idea.
Other people were free to hug their parents. Not me.
