Soonhoon | | Hozi : Letting go

E i g h t y

In a dark night covered with shining rhinestones in the sky, Jihoon is seating on the bench gazing above pondering things deeply, particularly the thing which perplex him over and over again without any change day by day.

Just in time, Soonyoung is currently crossing the street with two coffee in his hands. With his eyes fixed with him, he began to think and paused from his track. He wanted to hit himself for fooling around and stop pretending. 

When he looked at his surrounding and spotted a figure from afar, he called his name with a smile that melted his heart at once.

"Soonyoung!" He formed a weak smile and approached him as he seated beside him.

"Coffee?"

"Thank you." Jihoon received the coffee and accidentally touched Soonyoung's hand. Soonyoung didn't mind him but the other was affected and he cast his eyes on the young lad.

"Do you want me to tell you why I lied losing my memories? Why I planned to have an amnesia?" Sooonyoung stop from sipping his drink and gulped hardly.

"Even if I'll open up what happened, you won't understand a single word from me." He heaved a deep sigh and once lifted up the coffee to get some courage.

"You'll never know my struggle after the accident, how I recover to remain my memories and how I need to act tough once I meet you because just merely looking at you, it crumples my heart, squeezing my chest 'til I can't breathe." As much as he tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from his throat in the form of a silent scream. The beads of water started falling down one after another, without a sign of stopping.

"Walking in the hallway, you appear in my sight. Thinking about it, I wanted to run away to you and hug you tightly in my arms and never let go of you. But I can't. It was a damaged vinyl disc playing pain and anger repeating in my head."  Soonyoung clasp the coffee in his hand, trying to hold back the tears under his eyes. His tears betrayed him, it began flowing in his eyes and followed with another from the edge.

"It was my intention to get drunk because I expected that you'll come so that I'll tell the truth, and when you found out, I never stopped crying that night. When I borrow SCoups' phone, I didn't expected you actually said those words. In the end you proved me one thing; that I can't trust you again." Jihoon choked, placing his palm right in his chest which Soonyoung noticed.

"W-why do you need to make me believe you lost everything?"

"I really do lost them, and while calling me by the name you was a pain and honestly, I would like to tell you to quit saying it."

"What's wrong with calling you Woozi?" He put down the coffee, twisting his head to face him with his eyes bright red.

"You loved me because of him, not because I'm Jihoon." Soonyoung's eyes quivers looking him with small tiny crystal beads creep out followed with rasp breathing.

"Spending your time with me, it is him who's running inside your mind because you see him within me and what I hate the most is convincing myself that I was wrong. That I'm wrong with the thought that you love him more than me when it is true, it is true that Woozi is in your heart." The muffled sobs wracked against his chest. He can feel the real ache through the pricking sensation and sharp pang squeezing his heart.

"You k-know about him?"

"You admitted I was right all the time. Now who's liar, fake and deceiver? Go hate yourself for being cruel." Soonyoung was on the state to disagree yet he knows somehow his statement was true.

"Don't love me because you love me but love for who am I because that's what I deserve and not to live in a love full of lies." 

"You're right." Jihoon wiped off his tears beneath his cheeks and continues to pour his heart out.

"When I was walking upstairs I was ready to tell you and confess but I was shocked and saw you with Dokyeom."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't need your apology, I need your explanation." He stood up from the bench, turning his back from Soonyoung but then he gripped his wrist causing him to get a slap from Jihoon's hand.

"What are you going to tell me?! That you didn't kissed and hugged him? I took a step back and without noticing the stair behind, I fell down, rolling down the ground and hits me. It made me realized one thing. I fell in love with a person who was not really meant for me and now I'm living in a nightmare you gave to me."

"Listen to me, it was true I hugged him but I didn't kissed him. It was only a bet that I need to do for you to be safe."

Jihoon breathe out in his mouth, still crying his eyes out. "Safe? Why? Am I in bait and you put me in danger!?"

"Someone wanted to kill you that's why we did the bet. Do you still remember the guy that you bullied, it was him and we were too scared you'll get into accident but then he plotted it that's why you almost lost your memory."

"You're unbelievable. You have a lot of time to explain but you didn't." He pushed him away as he walked out, leaving Soonyoung dumbfounded and frozen in his place watching him disappear in his sight. 

"Jihoon, I-I'm sorry."

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