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Mars Day 23: The Frozen Tundra

Ablo, why did you bring me here to the frozen tundra?

“It’s the boarder sir.”

I can see that Ablo.  It’s got a long fence and big red and white signs posted everywhere.  But why did you…wait…what’s that scurrying under the fence?  I think it was a large rodent!

“Where sir?  Oh, over there by the snow drifts, yes sir, that’s a—“

Look Ablo…it’s running.  And look…over there…Ablo, there must be dozens of them crawling under the fence.  And look, over there.  Why Ablo, we’ve got an infestation problem!  We need to hire an exterminator!”

“Sir, we already have them.  Their called border patrol agents.”

Oh.

“The reason I brought you here is just that.  You see, we have a bit of an illegal immigration problem.”

You don’t need me for this Ablo.  Set some traps!  Put out some poisonous bait!  Call Orkin! 

“We can’t do that sir.  They’re people.”

People?

“Yes sir, they’re the Afarians.”

How bad is it Ablo?

“Pretty bad sir.  I wouldn’t mention it except that with the Cepii invasion of Afar, it is growing worse.  We have over eleven million illegals in the country now sir.”

You had me going there for a moment.  You really had me Ablo!  Who knew that you were such a joker?  I find the Blues to be a quite agreeable people.  Let them be Ablo.

“I agree with you sir, I’m Blue myself.”

Ah, so you are.  Then what’s the problem Ablo?

“Well sir, I waited for two years to get into this country.  I had to prove that I wasn’t a terrorist before they let me in.  I had to show that I would be an asset to the country.  I needed a legal sponsor to assure assimilation and to give me the support I needed until I could be on my own.  These people that are coming over the border could be terrorists.  The smugglers could be mixing terrorists in with the Afarians so they will go unnoticed.  Once they enter our country they will be privy to government subsistence, and a free education and they will work under the table undermining our labor market.”

I’ve got an idea Ablo, we’ll make them all citizens.  Immediately!  That will solve everything.  If they’re legal…then they won’t need to be exterminated.  That will make me very popular…an instant voting pool.  And their families will love me and they will vote for me.  I’ll lock up the blue vote altogether!

“But then they will be eligible for social security benefits without paying into the system.  It’s already in trouble as it is.

Oh, Ablo, who cares…we’ll just keep raising the age of eligibility so than nobody collects it.

“They’ll also collect food stamps and welfare payments.  They’ll get free medical attention.  It will burden our struggling economy sir.”

Think of the votes Ablo.  It’s worth it to me. 

“But sir—“

Let my people go!

“They’re not your people sir.”

What if I say it with a Blue accent.  Let my people go.

“This is serious sir.  Look, that one’s carrying a pound of cocaine.  And that one has a bomb.”

Once you go blue…you’ll vote for me too!

“I liked your idea about setting traps better…sir.”