It’s a glorious Monday and I’ve just arrived at the hospital because one of my good Martian friends, Ablo, is about to become a father. He’s so excited. This is his first child. I’m just as thrilled for him as he is. There’s a long line of people in the maternity ward, all of them waiting to have babies. There aren’t enough doctors to go around, what with all the fornicating for the cause, so the nurse, a pleasant Brown Martian with a pretty smile and a nice figure, just came out, and with the most soothing voice, she said,
“Ladies, I realize you’re in terrible discomfort, but know that the doctor is aware of your desperate situations, and he will get to you as quickly as he can. Please just continue to cross your legs and hold on.”
She’s a beautiful lass, and I’m thinking of asking her to lend me a hand in the global cooling cause.
“Did you hear that, Ablo, they’re going to get to you any minute now and you’re going to be a proud father!”
Mrs. Alboe, bloated like an elephant tho she is, is a beautiful Yellow Martian with long flowing yellow hair and beautiful blue eyes. She looks into my eyes with what I can only describe as a passionate expression and says,
“That’s the fourth fucking time that bitch has been out here and said the same Gork-damn thing! If she asks me to cross my legs one more fucking time, with that giddy fucking smile, I’m going to pull her teeth out one by one!”
“Albo, she’s such a kidder, your beautiful lady. But I must admit that there does seem to be a bit of a backup. Since I’ve come here it looks like the line has grown twice as long. But I’m sure that the extra doctors will be along soon.”
“What extra doctors? Since you announced the free healthcare most of the doctors have quit the profession. They’re a bit skeptical about getting paid. The poor fellow in there isn’t even a real doctor. It’s an honorary title. He’s just a professional athlete. He’s had so many children with so many different women that he’s the most knowledgeable man available when it comes to delivering babies!”
“Oh dear. But look, here comes the nurse again. Maybe it’s your turn.”
“Ladies, I realize you’re in terrible discomfort, but know that the doctor is aware of your desperate situations, and he will get to you as quickly as he can. Please just continue to cross your legs and hold on.”
“I’ll kill her!” Albo’s lady tries to get up, but he holds her down.
“She sounds like one of those recordings you get when you call the phone company.” I say,
“It’s funny you should say so. That’s what she was doing a week ago. But with this new free health care thing in place we’ve started offering one-night crash courses on nursing.” Says Albo.
“I know this isn’t the best time to ask, Albo, but with all the fornicating going on, and all of these babies being born…er…waiting to be born, who’s going to care for all of them?”
“Since you’ve announced your new free programs for this and free that for anyone and everyone, I don’t expect that that will be a problem.”
“Oh, yeah…the people like that plan eh?”
“Yes, they like it a lot. But I have a question for you Duffy. Where will you get the money to pay for it all?”
“Well from taxes of course. You worry too much Albo. Where I come from, we use taxes to pay for everything.”
“What if there isn’t enough money to pay for all of the free stuff?”
“Oh, that’s no problem. We just raise the taxes a bit more, and the problem is solved. Oh, look Albo, here comes the nurse again…maybe it’s finally your turn.”
“Ladies, I realize you’re in terrible discomfort, but know that the doctor is aware of your desperate situations, and he will get to you as quickly as he can.” Please just continue to cross your legs and hold on.”
“Well Albo, I guess I better leave you two love-birds alone. I’ve a round of golf to play this morning. Just keep crossing your legs like the nurse tells you and I’m sure it will all work out just wonderfully Mrs. Alboe. No…no…don’t get up on my account Mrs. Albo, I know my way out.”
“What a polite gal that Albo has, getting up in her condition to see me off. She had kind of an angry look in her eye tho. I hope it wasn’t something I said.”
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Humorblog blog...is a daily social/political satirical story of the author's life after landing on the planet Mars. He introduces American social and political dynamics to the Martians and changes the way they see their world. No public policy, party o...
