Ablo, I like campaigning.
“Me too sir…especially the way we do it. It’s more like bar hopping really.”
Now remember to keep the teleprompter hidden from view…I don’t want people to think I’m a blithering idiot. Now do you have it set up?
“Yes sir, free stuff, no little rubber thingy’s, and free drinks on the house…or was it the senate?”
It doesn’t really matter Ablo, so long as we don’t have to foot the bill.
“I’m thirsty sir. Can we stop here?”
This looks like a nice establishment. “The Queen’s Cabaret”.
“That must mean they have dancing sir. Can we campaign here next, sir, please?”
Why not Ablo? Look, they’ve got a great big dance floor, and lots of colorful lights. And look at the bar…it’s enormous.
“It’s also very crowded sir. You should earn a lot of votes here.”
Ablo, I’ll go up on the dance floor while it’s empty, and you announce my presence.
“Can I have your attention please! I’d like to introduce you to our future supreme leader.”
Applause!
Thank you all for coming out here for my little rally. As you know, after I’m elected I plan to give you all a lot of free stuff, like health care and food vouchers and cellular phones.
Applause!
You also know that I feel strongly that we should eat lots of potatoes and fornicate like there’s no tomorrow…to help with the climate problems.
Applause!
member of the audience: “How do you feel about gay marriage?”
Gay marriage? Well that’s a little off script. But of course I’m all for a happy and spirited wedding. Why are you shaking your head Ablo? Who doesn’t like a gay old wedding?
Now then, the drinks are on the house!
Applause!
“Sir, I don’t think you quite understand this whole gay marriage thing. It goes against the whole climate change campaign.”
Nonsense Ablo, the more weddings we have, the more babies we have. And the more babies we have…the more potatoes are consumed…etcetera and so on.
Two beers barkeep and two shots of absolution.
“Here are your drinks sir, and let me just say that I’m just glad to see that you’re behind gay marriage.”
Happy to ablige, sir. I'm for any couple getting married...except for carpet cleaners and organ-grinders of course.
"Huh?"
He seems like a nice fellow Ablo. A bit queer, but nice.
“Sir, have you noticed that there aren’t any women here.”
Isn’t it wonderful Ablo. Where I come from we call this male bonding. They do seem to be rubbing their whiskers a bit too closely for my taste, but bonding is bonding. Just so long as they aren’t a bunch of fudge-packers, Ablo, if you get my drift?
“I don’t think that’s a politically correct term sir.”
Nonsense Ablo, anyway I don’t think we’ll find any turd-burglars in here. No sir, not a tea-bagger in the lot. Just a bunch of good ole boys havin a gay old time.
“Some of them are wearing fish-net stockings and skirts sir.”
Kilts, Ablo, get your terminology right. Wearing a kilt doesn’t make you a Twinkie-eater. Where I come from wearing a kilt and dancing with other men is normal. Just because we wear kilts doesn’t mean we’re a bunch of smurf-surfers.
"Sounds like you might have some tendencies yourself sir."
I'm always attentive Ablo.
“By the way sir…they’re holding each other’s butts on the dance floor.”
Some sort of Martian custom eh? Couldn’t have any of our good Martian citizens out there pushing stool. It’s against my religion you know.
“Yes sir, we can’t have that or we'd have to declair a Jihad.”
Let’s get a Gay Marriage proposal on the agenda, eh Ablo? What do you say.
“Of course sir, that should earn you a lot of votes.”
Now, that’s enough shop-talk…can we have a little fun? I see a couple of cuties down at the end of the bar. You can have the pretty one and I’ll take the one with the big hooters.
“Which one is the pretty one sir…the one with the beard or the one with the mustache?”
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder Ablo. Now be quiet…I’m undressing them with my eyes.
“You’re going to make a great leader sir.”
Do you think so Ablo? Sometimes I question whether or not I have the savvy it takes to lead a nation.
“Me too, sir, but you sure have a way with words.”
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Humorblog blog...is a daily social/political satirical story of the author's life after landing on the planet Mars. He introduces American social and political dynamics to the Martians and changes the way they see their world. No public policy, party o...
